Category Archives: What makes us tick?

Ginger tabby kitten holding green rug

Introducing the Abject Kitten, Part 2

Ginger tabby kitten holding green rug

Last time I told you about my feline identity crisis. I was afraid I wasn’t a kitten. Actually, it was worse than that. I was afraid I’d never been a kitten at all. Yes, I had done a lot of meowing and fun dashing around and studious ignoring of so-called rules. But observing myself post-breakup, […]

A hand holding out an apple

My Emotional Masochism Isn’t Therapy

A hand holding out an apple

Last week, guest blogger Cava Supernova asked, provocatively, “Is racism sexy?” She told us the story of an early kink encounter in which an awesome black man begged her to call him her nigger and her sex slave boy. This out-of-the-blue request floored poor Cava and she asked us to help her figure it out. […]

Green leaf in palm of black-and-white hand

Submissive Strength: Contradiction or Koan?

Green leaf in palm of black-and-white hand

This is the fourth post in the Submissive Power series. Recently Valery North paid me the gigantic compliment of a critical response to my blog post about submissive strength. I came away wondering if I had contradicted myself. But dammit, I know everything I said was true! And then. I realised. These apparent contradictions, they’re […]

Statue of kneeling woman arranging her hair

Submissive Power Is Hot Stuff

Statue of kneeling woman arranging her hair

This is the second post in the Submissive Power series. It is a cliché that the sub has all the “real” power. And I really, really hope it’s not true. Yes, I can stop it any minute and yes, hotel security is a lot more likely to help me than him. (Apologies for non-inclusive language; […]

Stained-glass window: Angel with four naked boys

My Submissive Icons Are … Strong?!

Stained-glass window: Angel with four naked boys

This is the first post in the Submissive Power series. Famed kink educator Midori has a brilliant exercise for identifying your style of feminine dominance. First, she says to list all the powerful women you admire – from fiction, film, history, myth, your family, everywhere, anywhere. She had Brunnhilde, RuPaul and her grandmother, among others. […]

Portrait of King Henry VII

Condescension, or Kindness from Above

Portrait of King Henry VII

I remember the day my first dom taught me to beg. My initial attempts were ludicrous. “Please, sir …” Frantic mental efforts, not aided by his casually travelling hands. “You’re … very strong …” I remember the moment when his gigantic brain figured out that I didn’t even know how to do it. He stopped, […]