Coming Out: The Sequel

A rainbow of crayons
Image by John Morgan (CC BY 2.0)

My friends and I were not brought up to discuss sex, and so kink does not come up in conversation. But this has changed a little since I wrote my coming-out letter, because I have now come out to five more friends and one more brother (which is enough for now).

As I expected, everyone was supportive. But they still managed to surprise me. Here is the executive summary for your entertainment, presented with the consent of all parties not-quite-quoted.

Male, twenty-something

Phew I was worried that something was wrong.

Female, twenty-something

HEY! There’s nothing wrong/embarrassing/different about this!

3 hours later: Huh, will I still be discovering things like this about myself when I’m your age?

6 hours later: I’ve spent ALL DAY reading femslash!

Male, thirty-something

Do not worry about taking a long time to get back to me. I promise I will have fewer stupid questions for my next kinky friend!

Later in same email: I am not quite sure why I am saying all this; probably reading you and your friends’ blogs makes me feel like I am walking on a nude beach and have to show some skin not to be embarrassed.

Female, thirty-something

I will need to reread before I get the full picture, but I’m definitely happy to have your trust. Maybe it’s high time for me to think about what kind of woman I am!

Male, eighty-something

You’re worrying too much. This falls within the range of normal.

I have saved the best for last:

My brother (the straight one)

Initial reaction: No big deal. Why the preface about whether I would want to know if you were gay or had a psychiatric condition? The wonton noodles here are good.

5 minutes later, without any new input: Oh my God. I’m the only normal one in the family. I think my brain is going to try and wipe this from memory.

30 minutes later: [squawk] You have a blog, you go to talks, you mean you’re a geek about this too?

3 hours later: Why did you have to tell me? I mean, isn’t this none of my business? No, no, I really really really don’t want to know about your blog, I’ll go to the Wikipedia page, I don’t want to think about my sister in bed!

6 hours later: So that Duke University porn star has done videos with strangulation and stuff – [interruption from me] – right, of course there are huge controversies and factions. I feel like a MUGGLE. I love you, sis, but you’re not normal …

1 day later: My girlfriend thinks we’re all weird. She’s convinced I’m going to spring something on her any minute now.

As far as I can tell, the only common theme is that he’s trying not to think about it, but feels it’s his duty to research and understand. Poor, poor boy. And I think he’s projecting on his girlfriend; she has been sending me supportive messages that give me multiple LOLs. She’s going over to his place tonight to check if he’s ripped his eyes out after I accidentally sent him the web address of this post.

I have to say I was not expecting “So what?” to be the majority response. Ten, fifteen years ago nobody reacted that way. Muggles just aren’t what they used to be. But mine are awesome, aren’t they?


3 thoughts on “Coming Out: The Sequel”

  1. Lol “muggles”! Never thought of it that way.

    I think that when people read what you write in your blog they automatically reference the only “BDSM-related” information to which they have access…The Gimp, online images from sex-toy ads, and “Dominatrix” characters from bad TV shows…and immediately imagine bizarre people and practices that they can’t even begin to understand. I think if they had some way of understanding that “power exchange” doesn’t mean “dress me up like a French maid and beat me with a rolled-up copy of the Wall Street Journal while I cluck like a chicken” then they might be able to relate better to your feelings about power and sexuality.

    They probably never stop to think that there is a power dynamic to their sexual desires as well…how many “normal” people “like to be on top”, after all? Or prefer their partner to be the one who initiates sex? Their desires are no different than yours or mine, they just express them differently. Or, I suspect, in many cases they don’t express them at all. ;)

What do you think?