I remember the day my first dom taught me to beg. My initial attempts were ludicrous. “Please, sir …” Frantic mental efforts, not aided by his casually travelling hands. “You’re … very strong …” I remember the moment when his gigantic brain figured out that I didn’t even know how to do it. He stopped, … Continue reading Condescension, or Kindness from Above
Welcome to Elust #64 – The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #65? Start with the rules, come back December 1st … Continue reading e[lust] #64 – Molly picked me!
Argh. I’ve had it. It’s time for some definitions. Power = Ability to get what we want from others. Wants: Most obvious ≠ most important. Consent = The outcome of internal politics among our wants. That’s how dominant bottoms and masochistic doms can exist. Our wants may not line up tidily with the stereotypes, but … Continue reading Definitions, Dammit
Dammit. Everything I said in my post on Jian Ghomeshi is true. But anger is not the way. People I respect have told me to try and hear others’ needs and wants instead. But dammit, this one is a sociopath! Ego, charm, obliviousness, contempt – I’m not a mental health professional, but I’ve never seen … Continue reading How Should We Respond to Sociopaths?
Jian Ghomeshi. The name makes me so angry. You say to your colleague, “I want to hate-fuck you,” and then you claim you’ve been fired for Safe Sane Consensual? You’re a professional communicator and somehow your partners keep walking into your home unaware that you’re going to whack their heads and choke them unconscious? You … Continue reading Jian Ghomeshi: Scum of the Earth
This month the BDSM Classics Reading Group read The Story of O by Pauline Réage. Faced with the prospect of rereading it yet again, I groaned and went for background reading instead. And wow. Now I want to be Pauline Réage! One day a girl in love said to the man she loved: “I too … Continue reading The Love Letter of O
Part 1 of this post reported on the second-most common complaint from tops, “Give me real reactions, dammit!” On behalf of all of us down here, I protested that we are good boys and girls and we are (mostly) not doing it on purpose. According to a kinky friend who wrangles minds for a living, … Continue reading You Want Reactions? (Part 2)
The number one top complaint is definitely “I can’t read your mind!” But it gets stiff competition from its close cousin: “Give me real reactions, dammit!” This I can sympathise with. Scening is all about what’s going on in the bottom’s head. Me and my kind naturally have privileged access to this contested territory, but … Continue reading You Want Reactions? (Part 1)
I am under Strong Encouragement to make an appeal for Patrick Califia’s medical needs. My response: “You mean I can do that? YES PLEASE LET ME OBEY.” As you probably know, he’s a trans writer-activist-therapist and a great-granddaddy of our community. About a week ago he finally gave his partner permission to explain that he … Continue reading Help Leather Granddaddy Patrick Califia!
Welcome to Elust #62 – The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #63? Start with the rules, come back October1st to … Continue reading e[lust] #62 – Reality and Shame
I haven’t worn a bikini since age 4. Legs? What legs? I like my sleeves, too. Oh, and I don’t drink. Alcohol, coffee OR soft drinks. Ick. Obviously, I’m secretly Mormon, I just haven’t told me yet. Though I hear Mormons are allowed to wear more makeup than this. And dance. EYES I can’t look … Continue reading I’m Just Weird
Irregular updates from now on. Sorry, real life comes first! If you hang out with female kinksters, then you’ve heard us complain about the messages we get from strange men. They’re not all awful. But the net badness corrodes the soul. There are very few things that help: Venting with other kinky women. Talking to … Continue reading First Contact: A Sort‑of‑Guest Post
I love protocols. Do you want me to call you sir? Yes sir! (And apologies for the non-inclusive language, ma’am!) Do you want me on the floor? Prod me till I get the position right, please? Do you want me to heel you, or forget the word ‘but’, or owe every morsel of food to … Continue reading Protocols. I Want.
I started a BDSM classics reading group! People actually signed up and everything! Squee! Ahem. For our first meeting on 3rd September, we’re going to read seminal essays from the Safe Sane Consensual debate. Unsafe at Any Speed, or Safe, Sane, and Consensual, My Fanny by Laura Antoniou (1995) The SSC Mistake by Joseph W. Bean … Continue reading The Consent Debate: Then and Now
Welcome to Elust #61 – The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #62? Start with the rules, come back September 1st … Continue reading e[lust] #61 – Writing about Writing
This is the first blog post I’ve been able to write in a month! Hurray! I am so not the right person to write about polyamory. I wasn’t born that way, and I have no success stories to share (yet). I can tell you not to do it with someone who has communication paralysis, or … Continue reading A Love Poem for the Not‑So‑Polyamorous
I usually update every 5 days. But my chronic aches have been bad. I’m officially out of pre-written posts. Will I manage another one by 1 August? Wish me luck! The French have a word for it: l’esprit d’escalier. Literally, staircase wit. The perfect retort that only occurs to you after it’s too late. But … Continue reading I Wish I’d Said That
To recap part 1 of this post: (1) Chronic pain can make even a masochist feel trapped in her body. (2) It’s just like the way my ex-dom and I felt locked in a miserable relationship. I may even have gotten all of my mixed metaphors into this tweet: I am SO GRATEFUL I’m finally … Continue reading Pain Is a Battering Bastard … And More (Part 2)
Once upon a time my dom was nursing me through some truly horrific cramps. I was not very lucid. A particularly vicious cramp took me by surprise, and I found myself whimpering our safeword. I will never forget the look on his face. To cheer us both up, he told me that I had a … Continue reading Pain Is a Battering Bastard … And More (Part 1)
Welcome to Elust #60 – The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #60? Start with the rules, come back August 1st … Continue reading e[lust] #60 – Skin Pride
15 July 2019: This top was later shown to have been abusing his slaves. In hindsight, it was a bad sign that I was safewording repeatedly during this scene. Luckily, I still enjoyed it overall. Original header: This post is about me being hurt and frightened. Intensely. It made me very happy. But if it … Continue reading Gasp, Shake, Thank You
Edit: The Little Guide to Getting Tied Up has answered practically all my prayers below. I don’t even do rope and I want to memorise it. Hallelujah! Summer is convention season. People keep telling me they can’t meet up because they’re going to be at hotels, camps or tea parties. So I’ve been looking through … Continue reading Subs Need Classes Too!
God I feel guilty. I promised you more calligraphy ages ago and I never coughed up. Please release me from the promise? See, my joints are not as recovered as I thought. And work is going to eat a lot of my pain tolerance for at least the next 12 months. But I will calligraph … Continue reading What’s My Name? Of Calligraphy and Kowtowing
When I first found out about service subs, I was politely uncomprehending. No sex, no sensation, no humiliation even, why bother? Surely it would be less trouble to go to a nice restaurant and get served/hired? More authentic, too. Over time my confusion changed into awe and guilt. Probably because I tried to convert a … Continue reading Am I Just Selfish? Service vs. Control
Last week my blog was four months old. And I am stunned to realise that I’ve learnt more about my kink in four months of blogging than in a year of intensive reading before that. Unfortunately, that means that I’ve said things on this blog that I no longer believe. It’s time for me to … Continue reading I Stand Corrected: Four Months of Blogging
Eric Pride has left the community in the wake of pro-consent movements, stating that we have started tearing each other apart instead of standing by each other. I am sad that he is not who I thought he was. This post is part of the Eek! series. As you may recall, I recently volunteered to … Continue reading What Would Eric Pride Do?
I’m going to try posting every five days from now on. (Starting tomorrow, because e[lust] doesn’t count.) Wish me luck! Welcome to Elust #59 – The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions … Continue reading e[lust] #59 – I’m in the top 3!
Dear Remittance Girl, I admire you and your writing so much. But. You say there are two tribes of perverts, and fuck decaf. You say that real perverts know there is nothing remotely ethical about getting off on hurting people. You say the rest of us are deluding ourselves when we say we are naughty … Continue reading Real Doesn’t Have to Be Toxic
Eric Pride has left the community in the wake of pro-consent movements, stating that we have started tearing each other apart instead of standing by each other. I’m sad that he is not who I thought he was. This post is part of the Eek! series. Also an e[lust] top three pick! Eric Pride is … Continue reading Diabolical Genius, or I Love Interrogation
Two months ago I called for BDSM bloggers to write about vanilla tragedies. Now the blogosphere is churning with horror at the UC Santa Barbara mass shooting by Elliot Rodger. But nobody seems to be answering the first question I asked myself: Am I part of the problem? I’m a straight submissive woman. I was … Continue reading Am I Part of the Problem?
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