Last time I told you about my feline identity crisis. I was afraid I wasn’t a kitten. Actually, it was worse than that. I was afraid I’d never been a kitten at all. Yes, I had done a lot of meowing and fun dashing around and studious ignoring of so-called rules. But observing myself post-breakup, … Continue reading Introducing the Abject Kitten, Part 2
One day a kitten said to a kitten owner, “I wish I had a tail. But unfortunately I think I’m a Manx kitten.” Said he, “You can have a tail!” “But I want the kind of tail that the incredibly vain dog has in one of J.K. Rowling’s favourite books. It’s like an ostrich plume … Continue reading Introducing the Abject Kitten, Part 1
This is the second post in the Submissive Power series. It is a cliché that the sub has all the “real” power. And I really, really hope it’s not true. Yes, I can stop it any minute and yes, hotel security is a lot more likely to help me than him. (Apologies for non-inclusive language; … Continue reading Submissive Power Is Hot Stuff
I remember the day my first dom taught me to beg. My initial attempts were ludicrous. “Please, sir …” Frantic mental efforts, not aided by his casually travelling hands. “You’re … very strong …” I remember the moment when his gigantic brain figured out that I didn’t even know how to do it. He stopped, … Continue reading Condescension, or Kindness from Above
I love protocols. Do you want me to call you sir? Yes sir! (And apologies for the non-inclusive language, ma’am!) Do you want me on the floor? Prod me till I get the position right, please? Do you want me to heel you, or forget the word ‘but’, or owe every morsel of food to … Continue reading Protocols. I Want.
15 July 2019: This top was later shown to have been abusing his slaves. In hindsight, it was a bad sign that I was safewording repeatedly during this scene. Luckily, I still enjoyed it overall. Original header: This post is about me being hurt and frightened. Intensely. It made me very happy. But if it … Continue reading Gasp, Shake, Thank You
This post is part of the Is It Bad for Me? series. You may wish to begin with Part 1. As you know, a few weeks ago I was frightened by my kink. I already knew I had been eroticising my depression last year – we emotional masochists are capable of amazing feats – but now I wondered if I had … Continue reading Abject Submission 3: Only the Gift
This post is part of the Is It Bad for Me? series. You may wish to begin with Part 1. After reading my last post about stories that do it for me, a friend asked, “What about Abuse → No rescue → Happy ending? Doesn’t that storyline exist?” In a way, yes. And some people love … Continue reading Dark Erotica Fail
This post is part of the Is It Bad for Me? series. You may wish to begin with Part 1. As you know, I have started to worry whether my kink of abject submission is really about self-injury. Fiction proved to be such a good window into my fears that I decided to look harder at … Continue reading Abject Submission 2: Lit Survey
This post is Part 1 of the Is It Bad for Me? series. I am shaken. So far, all the the shame and guilt you’ve seen in this blog should really have been in the past tense. I knew people needed to hear my stories, so I told them, but after sixteen years you do get … Continue reading Abject Submission 1: Is it bad for me?
