I’m moving for real this time! My web hosting company hiked up their fees. So I’m going to convert this blog to a static archive and park it somewhere much cheaper. The archiving process will happen over the next two weeks or so. The website should keep working from your point of view, minus search, … Continue reading Hello and goodbye again
You know there are people who say sadism and masochism are not about pain, they’re about extreme sensation? After long covid, I’m pretty sure which side of this debate I’m on. On days when I have a little more energy, I want to feel my head wrenched back by my hair, I want to struggle … Continue reading Kink, pain and extreme sensation
Remember I said I was going to try moving to another blog as an experiment? It’s been over six months now, and the experiment is over. I’m going to close that blog down and come back here. I started the other blog because there hasn’t been a lot of abject submission in my life since … Continue reading Experiment over
Hello, old friends. It’s been a very long time. And I’m afraid you may not like my news. I’m starting a new blog because it doesn’t feel right to come back here. I still love this old place. I made it to delight my eyes and it does just that. The tags and 404 page … Continue reading Hello and goodbye
Someone asked on Twitter about what motivates 24/7 subs. The replies went like this: Safety; Freedom from control, responsibility; Order, instruction, framework, accountability; Being useful to someone else, greater purpose; Intimacy. For me? Firstly, this is not a choice. This is something I find myself doing automatically. And when someone else wants it too, it … Continue reading What motivates 24/7 submission?
Welcome to Elust #76 – The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #75? Start with the rules, come back November 1st … Continue reading e[lust] #76 – Sex After Birth
Last time I told you about my feline identity crisis. I was afraid I wasn’t a kitten. Actually, it was worse than that. I was afraid I’d never been a kitten at all. Yes, I had done a lot of meowing and fun dashing around and studious ignoring of so-called rules. But observing myself post-breakup, … Continue reading Introducing the Abject Kitten, Part 2
One day a kitten said to a kitten owner, “I wish I had a tail. But unfortunately I think I’m a Manx kitten.” Said he, “You can have a tail!” “But I want the kind of tail that the incredibly vain dog has in one of J.K. Rowling’s favourite books. It’s like an ostrich plume … Continue reading Introducing the Abject Kitten, Part 1
No time to blog deep thoughts! I’ve been working on my second-ever commissioned piece. A slave friend has ordered this for her master, Sir Raven, and it’s SO MUCH FUN. How often do I get to do both English and Chinese in the same piece? And the perfect amount of text! Here’s the mockup I … Continue reading Rough Draft: Raven’s Nest
The silent auction was cancelled. :( But I kind of promised you guys. So here it is! And thank you, TES Fest, for Making Me Do It. Sort of. :p
I’m going to do a piece of calligraphy for charity. You see, I’m going to TES Fest next weekend. They’re having a silent auction to raise funds for the Leather Heart Foundation and NCSF. Both great causes! But I’m not sure what I should write. Please help me decide? 1. Beatings quote “The beatings will … Continue reading Vote on Calligraphy!
Originally written for Submissive Guide. Doms keep telling us that they’re not mind-readers, so we have to communicate. But it’s hard! Especially when it’s something they might not want to hear. The good news is that there is always a submissive way to say it. And you never have to compromise the message. Here is … Continue reading Communicating While Submissive
This is the fifth post in the Submissive Power series. Once upon a time there was a play-fight, and I was pinned. In my total inexperience, I shoved my elbow backwards, and hey presto, there was a long man on the floor. I didn’t know whether to laugh or to panic. It didn’t help when … Continue reading Sub Ethics: Owning Our Power
This announcement is old (20 April), but I thought you might appreciate a linked version. The 👍 emoji indicates finalists, the 🏆 emoji winners. Enjoy! SEMI-FINALISTS ANNOUNCED FOR 2015 NLA-I WRITING AWARDS (Columbus, OH) — National Leather Association – International (NLA-I), a leading organization for activists in the pansexual SM/leather/fetish community, announced today the semi-finalists … Continue reading Leather Writing Awards 2015
Yesterday was a terrible, horrible, no good day – until 6.20pm. Man on the street: Hello. [He gets a stare compounded of fury and trauma.] Him: Is something wrong? Me: You’re the second guy on the street who’s said hello to me today. And it doesn’t feel good. That was the low point of the … Continue reading How to Apologise When You’re Called Out
I’m troubled by the recent consent violation news in the FetLife rope community. I need to clear a crazy work deadline before I write about it, but I thought I would at least share the reports with you for now. Please note that you will need a FetLife login (it’s free). And if you want … Continue reading It’s a Bad Day for Rope Consent
I’ve had enough psychoanalysis for the moment. For a change, shall we watch my favourite maybe-not-quite-safe-for-work videos? First, the legendary Gypsy Rose Lee. A comedienne first, an ecdysiast second. And then there’s Sadie the bellydancer too. How do you make bellydancing demure and understated? I don’t know! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YamDoDK71Ds I know these hula dancers are not … Continue reading Video Special: Is It Safe for Work?
Last week, guest blogger Cava Supernova asked, provocatively, “Is racism sexy?” She told us the story of an early kink encounter in which an awesome black man begged her to call him her nigger and her sex slave boy. This out-of-the-blue request floored poor Cava and she asked us to help her figure it out. … Continue reading My Emotional Masochism Isn’t Therapy
Warning: Strong language. GRAPHIC language. Squick and squee. I invite you to partake of the riches of beat poetry. Please do NOT open this at work. Now I’m going to run and hide. Please Master Please master can I touch your cheek please master can I kneel at your feet please master can I loosen … Continue reading Please Master by Allen Ginsberg
When Laura Antoniou heard that the BDSM Classics Reading Group was discussing her novel The Marketplace, she offered to come over to our FetLife group to answer our questions. WOW. Now that’s fan service! We are repaying her generosity with the toughest questions we could manage. Thank you so much, Laura! 1. Not all of … Continue reading Marketplace Q&A with Laura Antoniou
Welcome to Elust #67 – The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #68? Start with the rules, come back March 1st … Continue reading elust #67 Makes Me Happy
Happy Valentine’s Day from a happy single! It’s almost exactly a year since I walked out of my ex’s apartment with my head reeling. Not coincidentally, it’s also just about a year since I started blogging. There is causality there, but it’s not what you’d expect. I think blogging gave me the strength to say … Continue reading Happy Valenniversary to Me!
This is the fourth post in the Submissive Power series. Recently Valery North paid me the gigantic compliment of a critical response to my blog post about submissive strength. I came away wondering if I had contradicted myself. But dammit, I know everything I said was true! And then. I realised. These apparent contradictions, they’re … Continue reading Submissive Strength: Contradiction or Koan?
When I started out on FetLife, I encountered a lot of Worrying Things. Like the hordes of people declaring themselves to be sapiosexuals. My prejudice against sapiosexuality may surprise you. After all, I threw myself at the smartest guy I ever met. He enjoyed using my mind as much as he did my body. Our … Continue reading Against Sapiosexual Pride
This is the third post in the Submissive Power series. I hate clichés. Especially the way they end up being true after you scoff because no one explains why. So it took three teachers to convince me that submission is about strength. Let’s call them Gypsy, Queenie and Rex. Gypsy did not really believe in … Continue reading Are You Strong Enough to Submit?
This is the second post in the Submissive Power series. It is a cliché that the sub has all the “real” power. And I really, really hope it’s not true. Yes, I can stop it any minute and yes, hotel security is a lot more likely to help me than him. (Apologies for non-inclusive language; … Continue reading Submissive Power Is Hot Stuff
This is the first post in the Submissive Power series. Famed kink educator Midori has a brilliant exercise for identifying your style of feminine dominance. First, she says to list all the powerful women you admire – from fiction, film, history, myth, your family, everywhere, anywhere. She had Brunnhilde, RuPaul and her grandmother, among others. … Continue reading My Submissive Icons Are … Strong?!
Ah, New Year resolutions. I wasn’t going to make any. But then Sciophilous inspired me, and I realised that I’ve been making resolutions all along. This is a good time to record them. In this past year, I resolved to: 1) Accept that I tend to be a slave in relationships, and change from being … Continue reading Resolutions: Looking Back, Looking Forward
I have a confession. My favourite reading matter is this very blog. But I swear, it’s not just because I am so vain! It’s also because my memory is a sieve. It’s so bad that once when I was asked for a personal motto, I immediately ad-libbed, “Question Everything. Don’t Lose the Answers.” It’s particularly … Continue reading 2014: Don’t Lose the Answers
Today I am a guest blogger on Submissive Guide! With an essay that was Written in Blood. Doms keep telling us that they’re not mind-readers, so we have to communicate. But it’s hard! Especially when it’s something they might not want to hear. The good news is that there is always a submissive way to … Continue reading Communicating While Submissive: Teaser
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