If you hang out with female kinksters, then you’ve heard us complain about the messages we get from strange men. They’re not all awful. But the net badness corrodes the soul.

There are very few things that help:

1. Venting with other kinky women.
2. Talking to good guys in real life.
3. Getting a message that is not just nice, but really special.

That last almost never happens. After a while you stop believing it might happen.

But it does happen.

I have permission to share this message with you.

Subject: You intrigue me quite a bit

Hello. I’m pretty sure we’ve never met. I was trying to decide if I wanted to go to ______ tomorrow, and saw that you were going. After checking your profile, I immediately found someone who seems to have intelligently thought about her desires and needs, and how it all fits in with her world view. And I haven’t even read all of your writings yet or read through your blog.

Well, actually I just went back and read through the rest of your writings, because I wasn’t sure how to proceed.

I would very much like to meet you, talk to you, and get to know you. Certainly, for just a small profile on Fetlife, there is no telling whether you’re really my type, or if I’m really your type.

Here is my side: you are obviously highly intelligent and introspective, which to me, puts far greater value in earning your submission, if I ever do. For me, being granted power is only a big turn on if it is from someone whom I can respect. An example for me is when I was driving back from ______ with a sort of partner at the time. She is probably one of the women I respect the most – I met her when we were ______, and she and incredibly smart, athletic, and far better at a lot of things then I ever will be. I made a request of her that was kind of stupid, whose only purpose was to make the drive home more uncomfortable for her, and to my surprise, she said yes immediately. That was one of the quickest and most intense bursts of arousal I have ever experienced. I’ve had others kneel at my feet and serve me, and it was just a ho-hum experience, because I had not developed any respect for them.

How do I play? It depends on the person, the setting, and the mood. I do a lot of ropework, both for the challenge of things, and for its flexibility. I like to use my body and my mind – grappling, wrestling, and general rough handling are things I quite enjoy doing. I also enjoy coming up with predicaments for whomever I am playing with.

Anyways, I can probably think of many more paragraphs to write, but it’s not going to be much use until we sound each other out in person. Please let me know if you’d be interested in meeting and talking for a bit and seeing how we get along tomorrow at ______.

I hope you are doing well, and look forward to your reply.

Sincerely,
______

Here’s to the good guys. Thank you for you.

Anything else I say about this message would be too personal. So my friend @Sciophilous has suggested linking to other resources: Captain Awkward (for all genders), Dr. Nerdlove (man to man), and The Ferrett (man to everyone).

Good luck to us!