Someone asked on Twitter about what motivates 24/7 subs.

The replies went like this:

• Safety;
• Freedom from control, responsibility;
• Order, instruction, framework, accountability;
• Being useful to someone else, greater purpose;
• Intimacy.

For me?

Firstly, this is not a choice. This is something I find myself doing automatically. And when someone else wants it too, it feels so right that it brings tears to my eyes.

I could say that it’s because I need congruence in my life. I wear the same clothes to work and kink events and exercise, I come out to as many people as possible. But … there are much easier ways to achieve consistency. Why this way?

I think for me, the drive towards submission comes from this: THIS is how I intensify intimacy to the point that it feels sexual. I keep thinking of metaphors of invasion. The goal is to have only one of us.

It’s 24/7 because it’s a fundamental dynamic that doesn’t go away in between scenes. Like I imagine for vanilla couples, the sexual spark and intimacy aren’t just in the bedroom.

It does make my life better in that it’s easier to care about someone who’s not me. To do the things he thinks are important, to be nice to myself because he cares about my well-being. To stop worrying because he’s got it in hand.

But … all of that is possible without taking a submissive role, or even a power dynamic.

So I honestly think it’s really because I am used to feeling powerless. This is, weirdly, a comfort zone for me. And it’s especially hard-wired around anything to do with sex.

I’d never want to evangelise about this. It might feel safe, but it isn’t. There is so much potential for abuse. But at some point you have to start working with the person you are, and what works for that person.

I’m happiest on my knees.