I’m moving for real this time! My web hosting company hiked up their fees. So I’m going to convert this blog to a static archive and park it somewhere much cheaper. The archiving process will happen over the next two weeks or so. The website should keep working from your point of view, minus search, … Continue reading Hello and goodbye again
You know there are people who say sadism and masochism are not about pain, they’re about extreme sensation? After long covid, I’m pretty sure which side of this debate I’m on. On days when I have a little more energy, I want to feel my head wrenched back by my hair, I want to struggle … Continue reading Kink, pain and extreme sensation
Remember I said I was going to try moving to another blog as an experiment? It’s been over six months now, and the experiment is over. I’m going to close that blog down and come back here. I started the other blog because there hasn’t been a lot of abject submission in my life since … Continue reading Experiment over
Hello, old friends. It’s been a very long time. And I’m afraid you may not like my news. I’m starting a new blog because it doesn’t feel right to come back here. I still love this old place. I made it to delight my eyes and it does just that. The tags and 404 page … Continue reading Hello and goodbye
Last time I told you about my feline identity crisis. I was afraid I wasn’t a kitten. Actually, it was worse than that. I was afraid I’d never been a kitten at all. Yes, I had done a lot of meowing and fun dashing around and studious ignoring of so-called rules. But observing myself post-breakup, … Continue reading Introducing the Abject Kitten, Part 2
One day a kitten said to a kitten owner, “I wish I had a tail. But unfortunately I think I’m a Manx kitten.” Said he, “You can have a tail!” “But I want the kind of tail that the incredibly vain dog has in one of J.K. Rowling’s favourite books. It’s like an ostrich plume … Continue reading Introducing the Abject Kitten, Part 1
Last week, guest blogger Cava Supernova asked, provocatively, “Is racism sexy?” She told us the story of an early kink encounter in which an awesome black man begged her to call him her nigger and her sex slave boy. This out-of-the-blue request floored poor Cava and she asked us to help her figure it out. … Continue reading My Emotional Masochism Isn’t Therapy
Happy Valentine’s Day from a happy single! It’s almost exactly a year since I walked out of my ex’s apartment with my head reeling. Not coincidentally, it’s also just about a year since I started blogging. There is causality there, but it’s not what you’d expect. I think blogging gave me the strength to say … Continue reading Happy Valenniversary to Me!
When I started out on FetLife, I encountered a lot of Worrying Things. Like the hordes of people declaring themselves to be sapiosexuals. My prejudice against sapiosexuality may surprise you. After all, I threw myself at the smartest guy I ever met. He enjoyed using my mind as much as he did my body. Our … Continue reading Against Sapiosexual Pride
This is the first post in the Submissive Power series. Famed kink educator Midori has a brilliant exercise for identifying your style of feminine dominance. First, she says to list all the powerful women you admire – from fiction, film, history, myth, your family, everywhere, anywhere. She had Brunnhilde, RuPaul and her grandmother, among others. … Continue reading My Submissive Icons Are … Strong?!
Ah, New Year resolutions. I wasn’t going to make any. But then Sciophilous inspired me, and I realised that I’ve been making resolutions all along. This is a good time to record them. In this past year, I resolved to: 1) Accept that I tend to be a slave in relationships, and change from being … Continue reading Resolutions: Looking Back, Looking Forward
Dammit. Everything I said in my post on Jian Ghomeshi is true. But anger is not the way. People I respect have told me to try and hear others’ needs and wants instead. But dammit, this one is a sociopath! Ego, charm, obliviousness, contempt – I’m not a mental health professional, but I’ve never seen … Continue reading How Should We Respond to Sociopaths?
I haven’t worn a bikini since age 4. Legs? What legs? I like my sleeves, too. Oh, and I don’t drink. Alcohol, coffee OR soft drinks. Ick. Obviously, I’m secretly Mormon, I just haven’t told me yet. Though I hear Mormons are allowed to wear more makeup than this. And dance. EYES I can’t look … Continue reading I’m Just Weird
Irregular updates from now on. Sorry, real life comes first! If you hang out with female kinksters, then you’ve heard us complain about the messages we get from strange men. They’re not all awful. But the net badness corrodes the soul. There are very few things that help: Venting with other kinky women. Talking to … Continue reading First Contact: A Sort‑of‑Guest Post
To recap part 1 of this post: (1) Chronic pain can make even a masochist feel trapped in her body. (2) It’s just like the way my ex-dom and I felt locked in a miserable relationship. I may even have gotten all of my mixed metaphors into this tweet: I am SO GRATEFUL I’m finally … Continue reading Pain Is a Battering Bastard … And More (Part 2)
Once upon a time my dom was nursing me through some truly horrific cramps. I was not very lucid. A particularly vicious cramp took me by surprise, and I found myself whimpering our safeword. I will never forget the look on his face. To cheer us both up, he told me that I had a … Continue reading Pain Is a Battering Bastard … And More (Part 1)
15 July 2019: This top was later shown to have been abusing his slaves. In hindsight, it was a bad sign that I was safewording repeatedly during this scene. Luckily, I still enjoyed it overall. Original header: This post is about me being hurt and frightened. Intensely. It made me very happy. But if it … Continue reading Gasp, Shake, Thank You
God I feel guilty. I promised you more calligraphy ages ago and I never coughed up. Please release me from the promise? See, my joints are not as recovered as I thought. And work is going to eat a lot of my pain tolerance for at least the next 12 months. But I will calligraph … Continue reading What’s My Name? Of Calligraphy and Kowtowing
When I first found out about service subs, I was politely uncomprehending. No sex, no sensation, no humiliation even, why bother? Surely it would be less trouble to go to a nice restaurant and get served/hired? More authentic, too. Over time my confusion changed into awe and guilt. Probably because I tried to convert a … Continue reading Am I Just Selfish? Service vs. Control
Last week my blog was four months old. And I am stunned to realise that I’ve learnt more about my kink in four months of blogging than in a year of intensive reading before that. Unfortunately, that means that I’ve said things on this blog that I no longer believe. It’s time for me to … Continue reading I Stand Corrected: Four Months of Blogging
Eric Pride has left the community in the wake of pro-consent movements, stating that we have started tearing each other apart instead of standing by each other. I am sad that he is not who I thought he was. This post is part of the Eek! series. As you may recall, I recently volunteered to … Continue reading What Would Eric Pride Do?
Eric Pride has left the community in the wake of pro-consent movements, stating that we have started tearing each other apart instead of standing by each other. I’m sad that he is not who I thought he was. This post is part of the Eek! series. Also an e[lust] top three pick! Eric Pride is … Continue reading Diabolical Genius, or I Love Interrogation
Two months ago I called for BDSM bloggers to write about vanilla tragedies. Now the blogosphere is churning with horror at the UC Santa Barbara mass shooting by Elliot Rodger. But nobody seems to be answering the first question I asked myself: Am I part of the problem? I’m a straight submissive woman. I was … Continue reading Am I Part of the Problem?
Eric Pride has left the community in the wake of pro-consent movements, stating that we have started tearing each other apart instead of standing by each other. I’m sad that he is not who I thought he was. This post is part of the Eek! series. I am ridiculously happy today. But it takes a … Continue reading Eek!
This post is part of the Is It Bad for Me? series. You may wish to begin with Part 1. As you know, a few weeks ago I was frightened by my kink. I already knew I had been eroticising my depression last year – we emotional masochists are capable of amazing feats – but now I wondered if I had … Continue reading Abject Submission 3: Only the Gift
Irregular updates from now on. And yes, that’s my calligraphy. You guys are amazing! Support came from everywhere – BDSM blogging friends, Blogging 201 classmates, WordPress staff and HostGator staff. I got scared after my last post, because Ferns alerted me to one of her old posts on the Domme Chronicles. It seems that last year … Continue reading Not Censored. Thank You Everyone!
I am jumping up and down for joy. I just lost all the weight I gained from depression last year! It was more than ten percent of my body weight, and I gained it in one year flat. The doctor was really worried because my family develops diabetes when we’re overweight. So I tried to … Continue reading Bouncing Back from Depression
This post is Part 1 of the Is It Bad for Me? series. I am shaken. So far, all the the shame and guilt you’ve seen in this blog should really have been in the past tense. I knew people needed to hear my stories, so I told them, but after sixteen years you do get … Continue reading Abject Submission 1: Is it bad for me?
You know the way you can hate yourself after an extreme scene? Well, Shakespeare did too. And, of course, he describes it better than anyone. Sonnet 129 Th’ expense of spirit in a waste of shame Is lust in action; and till action, lust Is perjured, murd’rous, bloody, full of blame, Savage, extreme, rude, cruel, … Continue reading Shakespeare Needs Aftercare
My friends and I were not brought up to discuss sex, and so kink does not come up in conversation. But this has changed a little since I wrote my coming-out letter, because I have now come out to five more friends and one more brother (which is enough for now). As I expected, everyone was supportive. But … Continue reading Coming Out: The Sequel
