15 July 2019: This top was later shown to have been abusing his slaves. In hindsight, it was a bad sign that I was safewording repeatedly during this scene. Luckily, I still enjoyed it overall. Original header: This post is about me being hurt and frightened. Intensely. It made me very happy. But if it … Continue reading Gasp, Shake, Thank You
Edit: The Little Guide to Getting Tied Up has answered practically all my prayers below. I don’t even do rope and I want to memorise it. Hallelujah! Summer is convention season. People keep telling me they can’t meet up because they’re going to be at hotels, camps or tea parties. So I’ve been looking through … Continue reading Subs Need Classes Too!
When I first found out about service subs, I was politely uncomprehending. No sex, no sensation, no humiliation even, why bother? Surely it would be less trouble to go to a nice restaurant and get served/hired? More authentic, too. Over time my confusion changed into awe and guilt. Probably because I tried to convert a … Continue reading Am I Just Selfish? Service vs. Control
Last week my blog was four months old. And I am stunned to realise that I’ve learnt more about my kink in four months of blogging than in a year of intensive reading before that. Unfortunately, that means that I’ve said things on this blog that I no longer believe. It’s time for me to … Continue reading I Stand Corrected: Four Months of Blogging
Eric Pride has left the community in the wake of pro-consent movements, stating that we have started tearing each other apart instead of standing by each other. I am sad that he is not who I thought he was. This post is part of the Eek! series. As you may recall, I recently volunteered to … Continue reading What Would Eric Pride Do?
I asked david stein if this important essay has been posted anywhere outside FetLife, and he promptly gave me permission to repost it here.I don’t deserve the honour. This is the man who originated “Safe, Sane and Consensual” and much more.But let’s seize the chance to read the essay here and now, before I manage … Continue reading Consent Alone Is Not Enough: Guest Post by david stein
Today’s guest blogger is david stein, the gay slave who originated the phrase “Safe, Sane and Consensual” way back in the 1980s.(Brief recess to retrieve our jaws from the floor.)More recently, he authored the incredibly valuable non-fiction resource Ask the Man Who Owns Him: The real lives of gay Masters and slaves and the embarrassingly hot … Continue reading First, Do No Harm: Guest Post by david stein
Dear Remittance Girl, I admire you and your writing so much. But. You say there are two tribes of perverts, and fuck decaf. You say that real perverts know there is nothing remotely ethical about getting off on hurting people. You say the rest of us are deluding ourselves when we say we are naughty … Continue reading Real Doesn’t Have to Be Toxic
Eric Pride has left the community in the wake of pro-consent movements, stating that we have started tearing each other apart instead of standing by each other. I’m sad that he is not who I thought he was. This post is part of the Eek! series. Also an e[lust] top three pick! Eric Pride is … Continue reading Diabolical Genius, or I Love Interrogation
Two months ago I called for BDSM bloggers to write about vanilla tragedies. Now the blogosphere is churning with horror at the UC Santa Barbara mass shooting by Elliot Rodger. But nobody seems to be answering the first question I asked myself: Am I part of the problem? I’m a straight submissive woman. I was … Continue reading Am I Part of the Problem?
Eric Pride has left the community in the wake of pro-consent movements, stating that we have started tearing each other apart instead of standing by each other. I’m sad that he is not who I thought he was. This post is part of the Eek! series. I am ridiculously happy today. But it takes a … Continue reading Eek!
This post is part of the Is It Bad for Me? series. You may wish to begin with Part 1. The critical reader may have noticed that I skipped over a pressing question in Abject Submission 3: Only the Gift. As you know, I realised to my surprise that some stories about emotional abuse were actually good for … Continue reading Just Say No?
This post is part of the Is It Bad for Me? series. You may wish to begin with Part 1. As you know, a few weeks ago I was frightened by my kink. I already knew I had been eroticising my depression last year – we emotional masochists are capable of amazing feats – but now I wondered if I had … Continue reading Abject Submission 3: Only the Gift
Irregular updates from now on. And yes, that’s my calligraphy. You guys are amazing! Support came from everywhere – BDSM blogging friends, Blogging 201 classmates, WordPress staff and HostGator staff. I got scared after my last post, because Ferns alerted me to one of her old posts on the Domme Chronicles. It seems that last year … Continue reading Not Censored. Thank You Everyone!
I have moved my site to HostGator due to the problems described below. Please excuse the mess on this new site. Someone is trying to get me removed from WordPress.com! Shall I lie and say that I am all agog to find out if they succeed in getting me censored? To be honest, it seems very unlikely. … Continue reading Censored and Welcomed
This post is part of the Is It Bad for Me? series. You may wish to begin with Part 1. After reading my last post about stories that do it for me, a friend asked, “What about Abuse → No rescue → Happy ending? Doesn’t that storyline exist?” In a way, yes. And some people love … Continue reading Dark Erotica Fail
Thanks to Cecilia Tan, Laura Antoniou and C for encouraging me to republish their text. I have added my favourite book covers. Winners are indicated with the 🏆 emoji. Check out the 2012 finalists too. (Columbus, OH) — National Leather Association: International (NLA-I), a leading organization for activists in the pansexual SM/leather/fetish community, announced today the finalists for … Continue reading Leather Writing Awards 2014
This post is part of the Is It Bad for Me? series. You may wish to begin with Part 1. As you know, I have started to worry whether my kink of abject submission is really about self-injury. Fiction proved to be such a good window into my fears that I decided to look harder at … Continue reading Abject Submission 2: Lit Survey
This post is Part 1 of the Is It Bad for Me? series. I am shaken. So far, all the the shame and guilt you’ve seen in this blog should really have been in the past tense. I knew people needed to hear my stories, so I told them, but after sixteen years you do get … Continue reading Abject Submission 1: Is it bad for me?
We all need a bit of cheering up after that last post. But as a non-practical-joker, I was handicapped in celebrating April Fools’ Day. Instead, may I belatedly offer you some variegated entertainment in the form of images, words and music? First, here is my spanking new Pinterest board, BDSM Humour: Follow Yingtai’s board BDSM Humour on Pinterest. … Continue reading When You Need a (Kinky) Laugh
“Help me, I’m Amanda Berry … I’ve been kidnapped, and I’ve been missing for ten years.” We all remember that 911 call last May. And then those terrible words in the news. Sex slavery. Chains, leashes. Torture. The stuff of our fantasies, now a spotlighted horrorhouse. It was so hard to hear about it. It … Continue reading Ariel Castro: The Psychopath in the Mirror?
As you may remember, I have no shame about being female and therefore in a position of weakness. Nor do I feel particularly bad about being submissive and therefore wanting some such predicaments. But my masochism? Let’s not talk about it. No. Let’s talk about it. Masochism has a bad name. To the observer – … Continue reading Let’s Talk About Masochism
There’s an ache in your chest that hits sometimes when you’re a sub without a dom. I mean a real, physical ache. You want to grovel, you want to be cared for, you want to be done to. It hurts like hell. This has been heartbreakingly documented by Unspeakable Axe, who truly deserves his happy … Continue reading The Submissive Ache: Wanting and Waiting
My friends and I were not brought up to discuss sex, and so kink does not come up in conversation. But this has changed a little since I wrote my coming-out letter, because I have now come out to five more friends and one more brother (which is enough for now). As I expected, everyone was supportive. But … Continue reading Coming Out: The Sequel
Review of website: CollarSpace.com CollarMe.com (kinky personals). The morning after I signed up at CollarMe.com, I happened to start daydreaming about one of my favourite books, and a bolt of arousal shot through me. Normally this would not have been such a surprise, but I had believed I was dead between the legs due to … Continue reading Review: CollarMe.com and My Off Switch
BDSM: bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, sadism and masochism. What does it feel like to need that kind of thing? One of my friends said, “It’s about fear, isn’t it?” Well, no, it’s not. I’m afraid of contact lenses and rollercoasters and they don’t do a thing for me. And I have been genuinely … Continue reading A Coming-Out Letter
When I was a sleep-deprived undergraduate, the only thing I got out of The Romance of the Rose was the lover finally getting to pluck the rose – yes, that’s exactly what you’re supposed to be thinking. Somehow I managed to miss this wonderful meeting point between medieval fealty and courtly love. And then I … Continue reading Collared: The Romance of the Rose
Eric Pride has left the community in the wake of pro-consent movements, stating that we have started tearing each other apart instead of standing by each other. I’m sad that he is not who I thought he was. Review of presentation: “Anatomy of a Play Scene” by Eric Pride (DomSubFriends at Paddles NYC, 21 Feb … Continue reading Review: “Anatomy of a Play Scene” by Eric Pride
Poor Robert Frost would be turning over in his grave. He probably wasn’t writing about masochism. And yet he said it for us. How the good stuff makes you feel real and alive and more. To Earthward Love at the lips was touch As sweet as I could bear; And once that seemed too much; … Continue reading Frost Nails Masochism
I love the traditional tropes of BDSM and slave fic – melting the dom’s dom, rescuing the fragile abused slave, Evil Is Sexy, mmmmm. But I also love it when authors turn these tropes inside out. Here are my favourites of this kind, fan fiction and original work, free and paid. They’re all completed works … Continue reading Subverted Tropes: The Fiction of the Unexpected
