I’m troubled by the recent consent violation news in the FetLife rope community. I need to clear a crazy work deadline before I write about it, but I thought I would at least share the reports with you for now.

Please note that you will need a FetLife login (it’s free). And if you want to make sense of the apparent contradictions, then keep reading into the comments.

• An (overdue) open letter to my abuser by Gorgone
• And then I will shut up by Peter Slemrian
• Think of it as “rape space” (commentary)

Edit: Originally Peter Slemrian also posted an “Open letter from the abuser” which has since been removed. I saved a copy (including comments) and you can email me. (Edit: Turns out this is against the Fetlife Terms of Service. Sigh.)

Those are the core links, but if you want to get the full picture, you may be interested in the following as well.

• Rape apology: Why victims don’t dare to speak by Gorgone
• A rock + a hard place by Vanessa
• SHARE, CARE, ACT by Gorgone

Edit: More links.

• Reputation in Copenhagen
• Response to another incident and another

• Naming names – A different consent violator. Administrators removed the names, but you can email me and I’ll remember.

I’m wrestling with related issues in my personal life and it’s hard. Female commenters, if you can spare a virtual hug, I could use one.