My name is Yingtai and I am a straight female submissive.

In 2013 I faced personal and professional failure. I have known what I am for sixteen years, but it was only when I re-evaluated my life that I realised how badly I had shortchanged that side of myself.

So I came back to the scene. I marvelled at the riches available now. Evocative writing, hard technique, clear-minded advice. Humour!

And yet I still could not answer the very first questions I had asked in the dark week when I learnt what I was.

Where did my kink come from?

The answers started to come. From the writings of those who went before, from the great books and the smart books and smutty wonderful fan fiction, in overflowing midnight correspondence with new friends.

Sadist = psychopath?

I didn’t know those questions gnawed at others too. I didn’t know there were so many of us alone and tormented in the howling crowds of slash and FetLife.

I didn’t know I had something to give back. But now I do.

So this, my first blog, is for you. Think of it as a reading response on everything I’ve been learning about my kind of submission in some university of BDSM. There’s so much to know, so many questions to ask!

Be my classmate? I look forward to our conversation.

  This profile image is my own calligraphy, May 2014.