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	<title>TMI &#8211; The University of Abject Submission</title>
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	<link>/</link>
	<description>BDSM, books and missing links by Xiao Yingtai</description>
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	<item>
		<title>Hello and goodbye again</title>
		<link>/hello-and-goodbye-again/</link>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Thu, 26 Sep 2024 11:53:32 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Bloggery]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[TMI]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=11037</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[I&#8217;m moving for real this time! My web hosting company hiked up their fees. So I&#8217;m going to convert this blog to a static archive and park it somewhere much cheaper. The archiving process will happen over the next two weeks or so. The website should keep working from your point of view, minus search, &#8230; <a href="/hello-and-goodbye-again/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Hello and goodbye again</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
		
		
			</item>
		<item>
		<title>Kink, pain and extreme sensation</title>
		<link>/kink-pain-and-extreme-sensation/</link>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Mon, 20 May 2024 04:00:48 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[What makes us tick?]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Scening]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Since feeling is first]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from down here]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[TMI]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=10742</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[You know there are people who say sadism and masochism are not about pain, they&#8217;re about extreme sensation? After long covid, I&#8217;m pretty sure which side of this debate I&#8217;m on. On days when I have a little more energy, I want to feel my head wrenched back by my hair, I want to struggle &#8230; <a href="/kink-pain-and-extreme-sensation/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Kink, pain and extreme sensation</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
		
		
			</item>
		<item>
		<title>Experiment over</title>
		<link>/experiment-over/</link>
					<comments>/experiment-over/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sun, 19 May 2024 08:23:55 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Bloggery]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[TMI]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=10744</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[Remember I said I was going to try moving to another blog as an experiment? It&#8217;s been over six months now, and the experiment is over. I&#8217;m going to close that blog down and come back here. I started the other blog because there hasn&#8217;t been a lot of abject submission in my life since &#8230; <a href="/experiment-over/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Experiment over</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/experiment-over/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>2</slash:comments>
		
		
			</item>
		<item>
		<title>Hello and goodbye</title>
		<link>/hello-and-goodbye/</link>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Tue, 10 Oct 2023 12:19:30 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Bloggery]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[TMI]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=10403</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[Hello, old friends. It&#8217;s been a very long time. And I&#8217;m afraid you may not like my news. I&#8217;m starting a new blog because it doesn&#8217;t feel right to come back here. I still love this old place. I made it to delight my eyes and it does just that. The tags and 404 page &#8230; <a href="/hello-and-goodbye/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Hello and goodbye</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
		
		
			</item>
		<item>
		<title>Introducing the Abject Kitten, Part 2</title>
		<link>/introducing-the-abject-kitten-part-2/</link>
					<comments>/introducing-the-abject-kitten-part-2/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sat, 10 Oct 2015 15:30:41 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[What makes us tick?]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Abject submission]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Devil on my back]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Favourites]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[TMI]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=6393</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[Last time I told you about my feline identity crisis. I was afraid I wasn&#8217;t a kitten. Actually, it was worse than that. I was afraid I&#8217;d never been a kitten at all. Yes, I had done a lot of meowing and fun dashing around and studious ignoring of so-called rules. But observing myself post-breakup, &#8230; <a href="/introducing-the-abject-kitten-part-2/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Introducing the Abject Kitten, Part 2</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/introducing-the-abject-kitten-part-2/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>2</slash:comments>
		
		
			</item>
		<item>
		<title>Introducing the Abject Kitten, Part 1</title>
		<link>/introducing-the-abject-kitten-part-1/</link>
					<comments>/introducing-the-abject-kitten-part-1/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Fri, 04 Sep 2015 11:56:50 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[What makes us tick?]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Abject submission]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Devil on my back]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Favourites]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[TMI]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=6358</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[One day a kitten said to a kitten owner, &#8220;I wish I had a tail. But unfortunately I think I&#8217;m a Manx kitten.&#8221; Said he, &#8220;You can have a tail!&#8221; &#8220;But I want the kind of tail that the incredibly vain dog has in one of J.K. Rowling&#8217;s favourite books. It&#8217;s like an ostrich plume &#8230; <a href="/introducing-the-abject-kitten-part-1/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Introducing the Abject Kitten, Part 1</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/introducing-the-abject-kitten-part-1/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>2</slash:comments>
		
		
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		<item>
		<title>My Emotional Masochism Isn&#8217;t Therapy</title>
		<link>/emotional-masochism-is-not-therapy/</link>
					<comments>/emotional-masochism-is-not-therapy/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sat, 21 Mar 2015 13:31:45 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[What makes us tick?]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Clichés]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Devil on my back]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Scening]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Since feeling is first]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The vanilla dialogues]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from up there]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[TMI]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=6036</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[Last week, guest blogger Cava Supernova asked, provocatively, &#8220;Is racism sexy?&#8221; She told us the story of an early kink encounter in which an awesome black man begged her to call him her nigger and her sex slave boy. This out-of-the-blue request floored poor Cava and she asked us to help her figure it out. &#8230; <a href="/emotional-masochism-is-not-therapy/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">My Emotional Masochism Isn&#8217;t Therapy</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/emotional-masochism-is-not-therapy/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>9</slash:comments>
		
		
			</item>
		<item>
		<title>Happy Valenniversary to Me!</title>
		<link>/happy-valenniversary-to-me/</link>
					<comments>/happy-valenniversary-to-me/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sat, 14 Feb 2015 12:07:29 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Bloggery]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[TMI]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=5925</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[Happy Valentine&#8217;s Day from a happy single! It&#8217;s almost exactly a year since I walked out of my ex&#8217;s apartment with my head reeling. Not coincidentally, it&#8217;s also just about a year since I started blogging. There is causality there, but it&#8217;s not what you&#8217;d expect. I think blogging gave me the strength to say &#8230; <a href="/happy-valenniversary-to-me/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Happy Valenniversary to Me!</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/happy-valenniversary-to-me/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>2</slash:comments>
		
		
			</item>
		<item>
		<title>Against Sapiosexual Pride</title>
		<link>/against-sapiosexual-pride/</link>
					<comments>/against-sapiosexual-pride/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sat, 31 Jan 2015 05:01:13 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Soapbox]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Clichés]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Dating & mingling]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[TMI]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=5860</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[When I started out on FetLife, I encountered a lot of Worrying Things. Like the hordes of people declaring themselves to be sapiosexuals. My prejudice against sapiosexuality may surprise you. After all, I threw myself at the smartest guy I ever met. He enjoyed using my mind as much as he did my body. Our &#8230; <a href="/against-sapiosexual-pride/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Against Sapiosexual Pride</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/against-sapiosexual-pride/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>7</slash:comments>
		
		
			</item>
		<item>
		<title>My Submissive Icons Are &#8230; Strong?!</title>
		<link>/my-submissive-icons-are-strong/</link>
					<comments>/my-submissive-icons-are-strong/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sat, 10 Jan 2015 13:30:25 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[What makes us tick?]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Buried treasure]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Submissive power]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from down here]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[TMI]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=5675</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[This is the first post in the Submissive Power series. Famed kink educator Midori has a brilliant exercise for identifying your style of feminine dominance. First, she says to list all the powerful women you admire – from fiction, film, history, myth, your family, everywhere, anywhere. She had Brunnhilde, RuPaul and her grandmother, among others. &#8230; <a href="/my-submissive-icons-are-strong/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">My Submissive Icons Are &#8230; Strong?!</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/my-submissive-icons-are-strong/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>1</slash:comments>
		
		
			</item>
		<item>
		<title>Resolutions: Looking Back, Looking Forward</title>
		<link>/resolutions-looking-back-looking-forward/</link>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sun, 04 Jan 2015 03:10:53 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[TMI]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=5752</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[Ah, New Year resolutions. I wasn&#8217;t going to make any. But then Sciophilous inspired me, and I realised that I&#8217;ve been making resolutions all along. This is a good time to record them. In this past year, I resolved to: 1) Accept that I tend to be a slave in relationships, and change from being &#8230; <a href="/resolutions-looking-back-looking-forward/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Resolutions: Looking Back, Looking Forward</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
		
		
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		<item>
		<title>How Should We Respond to Sociopaths?</title>
		<link>/how-should-we-respond-to-sociopaths/</link>
					<comments>/how-should-we-respond-to-sociopaths/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sat, 01 Nov 2014 08:50:58 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Reality Check]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Devil on my back]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Ethics]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[TMI]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=5410</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[Dammit. Everything I said in my post on Jian Ghomeshi is true. But anger is not the way. People I respect have told me to try and hear others&#8217; needs and wants instead. But dammit, this one is a sociopath! Ego, charm, obliviousness, contempt &#8211; I&#8217;m not a mental health professional, but I&#8217;ve never seen &#8230; <a href="/how-should-we-respond-to-sociopaths/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">How Should We Respond to Sociopaths?</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/how-should-we-respond-to-sociopaths/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>9</slash:comments>
		
		
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		<item>
		<title>I&#8217;m Just Weird</title>
		<link>/i-am-just-weird/</link>
					<comments>/i-am-just-weird/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Tue, 09 Sep 2014 15:00:00 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[TMI]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Can I make you laugh?]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Favourites]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=4873</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[I haven&#8217;t worn a bikini since age 4. Legs? What legs? I like my sleeves, too. Oh, and I don&#8217;t drink. Alcohol, coffee OR soft drinks. Ick. Obviously, I&#8217;m secretly Mormon, I just haven&#8217;t told me yet. Though I hear Mormons are allowed to wear more makeup than this. And dance. EYES I can&#8217;t look &#8230; <a href="/i-am-just-weird/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">I&#8217;m Just Weird</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/i-am-just-weird/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>18</slash:comments>
		
		
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		<item>
		<title>First Contact: A&#160;Sort‑of‑Guest&#160;Post</title>
		<link>/first-contact/</link>
					<comments>/first-contact/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Fri, 29 Aug 2014 02:35:51 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[How to do it]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Dating & mingling]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Guest posts]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from up there]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[TMI]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=4823</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[Irregular updates from now on. Sorry, real life comes first! If you hang out with female kinksters, then you&#8217;ve heard us complain about the messages we get from strange men. They&#8217;re not all awful. But the net badness corrodes the soul. There are very few things that help: Venting with other kinky women. Talking to &#8230; <a href="/first-contact/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">First Contact: A&#160;Sort‑of‑Guest&#160;Post</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/first-contact/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>2</slash:comments>
		
		
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		<item>
		<title>Pain Is a Battering Bastard &#8230; And&#160;More (Part&#160;2)</title>
		<link>/pain-is-a-battering-bastard-and-more-part-2/</link>
					<comments>/pain-is-a-battering-bastard-and-more-part-2/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Tue, 22 Jul 2014 11:30:32 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Buried Treasure]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Buried treasure]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Favourites]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Poetry]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Scandalising the canon]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from down here]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[TMI]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=4445</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[To recap part 1 of this post: (1) Chronic pain can make even a masochist feel trapped in her body. (2) It&#8217;s just like the way my ex-dom and I felt locked in a miserable relationship. I may even have gotten all of my mixed metaphors into this tweet: I am SO GRATEFUL I&#8217;m finally &#8230; <a href="/pain-is-a-battering-bastard-and-more-part-2/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Pain Is a Battering Bastard &#8230; And&#160;More (Part&#160;2)</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/pain-is-a-battering-bastard-and-more-part-2/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>7</slash:comments>
		
		
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		<item>
		<title>Pain Is a Battering Bastard &#8230; And&#160;More (Part&#160;1)</title>
		<link>/pain-is-a-battering-bastard-and-more-part-1/</link>
					<comments>/pain-is-a-battering-bastard-and-more-part-1/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Thu, 17 Jul 2014 11:05:25 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Buried Treasure]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Buried treasure]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Favourites]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Poetry]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Scandalising the canon]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from down here]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[TMI]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=4431</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[Once upon a time my dom was nursing me through some truly horrific cramps. I was not very lucid. A particularly vicious cramp took me by surprise, and I found myself whimpering our safeword. I will never forget the look on his face. To cheer us both up, he told me that I had a &#8230; <a href="/pain-is-a-battering-bastard-and-more-part-1/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Pain Is a Battering Bastard &#8230; And&#160;More (Part&#160;1)</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/pain-is-a-battering-bastard-and-more-part-1/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>6</slash:comments>
		
		
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		<item>
		<title>Gasp, Shake, Thank You</title>
		<link>/gasp-shake-thank-you/</link>
					<comments>/gasp-shake-thank-you/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sat, 12 Jul 2014 12:25:40 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[I Did It]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Abject submission]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Favourites]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Scening]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Since feeling is first]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from down here]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[TMI]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=4364</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[15 July 2019: This top was later shown to have been abusing his slaves. In hindsight, it was a bad sign that I was safewording repeatedly during this scene. Luckily, I still enjoyed it overall. Original header: This post is about me being hurt and frightened. Intensely. It made me very happy. But if it &#8230; <a href="/gasp-shake-thank-you/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Gasp, Shake, Thank You</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/gasp-shake-thank-you/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>8</slash:comments>
		
		
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		<item>
		<title>What&#8217;s My Name? Of&#160;Calligraphy and Kowtowing</title>
		<link>/what-is-my-name-of-calligraphy-and-kowtowing/</link>
					<comments>/what-is-my-name-of-calligraphy-and-kowtowing/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Thu, 03 Jul 2014 04:12:35 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Bloggery]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Calligraphy]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Scandalising the canon]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[TMI]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=4138</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[God I feel guilty. I promised you more calligraphy ages ago and I never coughed up. Please release me from the promise? See, my joints are not as recovered as I thought. And work is going to eat a lot of my pain tolerance for at least the next 12 months. But I will calligraph &#8230; <a href="/what-is-my-name-of-calligraphy-and-kowtowing/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">What&#8217;s My Name? Of&#160;Calligraphy and Kowtowing</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/what-is-my-name-of-calligraphy-and-kowtowing/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>2</slash:comments>
		
		
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		<title>Am I Just Selfish? Service vs. Control</title>
		<link>/am-i-just-selfish-service-versus-control/</link>
					<comments>/am-i-just-selfish-service-versus-control/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sun, 29 Jun 2014 04:14:19 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[What makes us tick?]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Devil on my back]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Ethics]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Favourites]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from down here]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[TMI]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=4066</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[When I first found out about service subs, I was politely un&#173;compre&#173;hend&#173;ing. No sex, no sensation, no humiliation even, why bother? Surely it would be less trouble to go to a nice restaurant and get served/hired? More authentic, too. Over time my confusion changed into awe and guilt. Probably because I tried to convert a &#8230; <a href="/am-i-just-selfish-service-versus-control/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Am I Just Selfish? Service vs. Control</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/am-i-just-selfish-service-versus-control/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>10</slash:comments>
		
		
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		<title>I Stand Corrected: Four Months of Blogging</title>
		<link>/i-stand-corrected/</link>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Tue, 24 Jun 2014 04:01:21 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Bloggery]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Devil on my back]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Ethics]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Roundups]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Safety]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[TMI]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=3964</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[Last week my blog was four months old. And I am stunned to realise that I&#8217;ve learnt more about my kink in four months of blogging than in a year of intensive reading before that. Unfortunately, that means that I&#8217;ve said things on this blog that I no longer believe. It&#8217;s time for me to &#8230; <a href="/i-stand-corrected/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">I Stand Corrected: Four Months of Blogging</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
		
		
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		<title>What Would Eric Pride Do?</title>
		<link>/what-would-eric-pride-do/</link>
					<comments>/what-would-eric-pride-do/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Thu, 19 Jun 2014 04:01:02 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Safety & Ethics]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Eek!]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Ethics]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Scening]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from up there]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[TMI]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=3885</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[Eric Pride has left the community in the wake of pro-consent movements, stating that we have started tearing each other apart instead of standing by each other. I am sad that he is not who I thought he was. This post is part of the Eek! series. As you may recall, I recently volunteered to &#8230; <a href="/what-would-eric-pride-do/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">What Would Eric Pride Do?</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/what-would-eric-pride-do/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>7</slash:comments>
		
		
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		<title>Diabolical Genius, or I&#160;Love Interrogation</title>
		<link>/diabolical-genius/</link>
					<comments>/diabolical-genius/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Mon, 26 May 2014 18:25:17 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[I Did It]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Eek!]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Favourites]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Safety]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Scening]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Since feeling is first]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from down here]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[TMI]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=3478</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[Eric Pride has left the community in the wake of pro-consent movements, stating that we have started tearing each other apart instead of standing by each other. I&#8217;m sad that he is not who I thought he was. This post is part of the Eek! series. Also an e[lust] top three pick! Eric Pride is &#8230; <a href="/diabolical-genius/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Diabolical Genius, or I&#160;Love Interrogation</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/diabolical-genius/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>12</slash:comments>
		
		
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		<title>Am I Part of the Problem?</title>
		<link>/am-i-part-of-the-problem/</link>
					<comments>/am-i-part-of-the-problem/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Mon, 26 May 2014 01:00:03 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Reality Check]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Devil on my back]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Ethics]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Gender]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Safety]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from up there]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[TMI]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=3531</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[Two months ago I called for BDSM bloggers to write about vanilla tragedies. Now the blogosphere is churning with horror at the UC Santa Barbara mass shooting by Elliot Rodger. But nobody seems to be answering the first question I asked myself: Am I part of the problem? I&#8217;m a straight submissive woman. I was &#8230; <a href="/am-i-part-of-the-problem/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Am I Part of the Problem?</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/am-i-part-of-the-problem/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>2</slash:comments>
		
		
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		<title>Eek!</title>
		<link>/i-love-interrogation-part-1/</link>
					<comments>/i-love-interrogation-part-1/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sun, 25 May 2014 03:55:20 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[TMI]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Eek!]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Scening]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=3469</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[Eric Pride has left the community in the wake of pro-consent movements, stating that we have started tearing each other apart instead of standing by each other. I&#8217;m sad that he is not who I thought he was. This post is part of the Eek! series. I am ridiculously happy today. But it takes a &#8230; <a href="/i-love-interrogation-part-1/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Eek!</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/i-love-interrogation-part-1/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>2</slash:comments>
		
		
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		<title>Abject Submission 3: Only&#160;the&#160;Gift</title>
		<link>/abject-submission-3-only-the-gift/</link>
					<comments>/abject-submission-3-only-the-gift/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sat, 03 May 2014 12:30:40 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[What makes us tick?]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Abject submission]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Devil on my back]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Favourites]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Is it bad for me?]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Since feeling is first]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from down here]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[TMI]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=3006</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[This post is part of the Is It Bad for Me? series. You may wish to begin with Part&#160;1. As you know, a few weeks ago I was frightened by my kink. I already knew I had been eroticising my depression last year &#8211; we emotional masochists are capable of amazing feats &#8211; but now I wondered if I had &#8230; <a href="/abject-submission-3-only-the-gift/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Abject Submission 3: Only&#160;the&#160;Gift</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/abject-submission-3-only-the-gift/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>1</slash:comments>
		
		
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		<item>
		<title>Not Censored. Thank&#160;You Everyone!</title>
		<link>/not-censored-thank-you-everyone/</link>
					<comments>/not-censored-thank-you-everyone/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Thu, 01 May 2014 07:30:47 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Bloggery]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Calligraphy]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The vanilla dialogues]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[TMI]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=2877</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[Irregular updates from now on. And yes, that&#8217;s my calligraphy. You guys are amazing! Support came from everywhere &#8211; BDSM blogging friends, Blogging 201 classmates, WordPress staff and HostGator staff. I got scared after my last post, because Ferns alerted me to one of her old posts on the Domme Chronicles. It seems that last year &#8230; <a href="/not-censored-thank-you-everyone/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Not Censored. Thank&#160;You Everyone!</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/not-censored-thank-you-everyone/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>10</slash:comments>
		
		
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		<title>Bouncing Back from Depression</title>
		<link>/bouncing-back-from-depression/</link>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sat, 19 Apr 2014 00:16:40 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[TMI]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Off‑topic]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://abjectsub.wordpress.com/?p=2149</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[I am jumping up and down for joy. I just lost all the weight I gained from depression last year! It was more than ten percent of my body weight, and I gained it in one year flat. The doctor was really worried because my family develops diabetes when we&#8217;re overweight. So I tried to &#8230; <a href="/bouncing-back-from-depression/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Bouncing Back from Depression</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
		
		
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		<title>Abject Submission 1: Is&#160;it&#160;bad&#160;for&#160;me?</title>
		<link>/is-abject-submission-bad-for-me/</link>
					<comments>/is-abject-submission-bad-for-me/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sat, 12 Apr 2014 12:30:05 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[What makes us tick?]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Abject submission]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Devil on my back]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Favourites]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Is it bad for me?]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Since feeling is first]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from down here]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[TMI]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://abjectsub.wordpress.com/?p=1846</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[This post is Part&#160;1 of the Is It Bad for Me? series. I am shaken. So far, all the the shame and guilt you&#8217;ve seen in this blog should really have been in the past tense. I knew people needed to hear my stories, so I told them, but after sixteen years you do get &#8230; <a href="/is-abject-submission-bad-for-me/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Abject Submission 1: Is&#160;it&#160;bad&#160;for&#160;me?</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/is-abject-submission-bad-for-me/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>8</slash:comments>
		
		
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		<title>Shakespeare Needs Aftercare</title>
		<link>/shakespeare-needs-aftercare/</link>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sun, 16 Mar 2014 21:31:19 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Buried Treasure]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Buried treasure]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Poetry]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Scandalising the canon]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[TMI]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://abjectsub.wordpress.com/?p=1007</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[You know the way you can hate yourself after an extreme scene? Well, Shakespeare did too. And, of course, he describes it better than anyone. Sonnet 129 Th&#8217; expense of spirit in a waste of shame Is lust in action; and till action, lust Is perjured, murd&#8217;rous, bloody, full of blame, Savage, extreme, rude, cruel, &#8230; <a href="/shakespeare-needs-aftercare/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Shakespeare Needs Aftercare</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
		
		
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		<title>Coming Out: The Sequel</title>
		<link>/coming-out-sequel/</link>
					<comments>/coming-out-sequel/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Thu, 13 Mar 2014 23:30:07 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[TMI]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Can I make you laugh?]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Devil on my back]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Favourites]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The vanilla dialogues]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://abjectsub.wordpress.com/?p=833</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[My friends and I were not brought up to discuss sex, and so kink does not come up in conversation. But this has changed a little since I wrote my coming-out letter, because I have now come out to five more friends and one more brother (which is enough for now). As I expected, everyone was supportive. But &#8230; <a href="/coming-out-sequel/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Coming Out: The Sequel</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/coming-out-sequel/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>3</slash:comments>
		
		
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