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	<title>The view from down here &#8211; The University of Abject Submission</title>
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	<link>/</link>
	<description>BDSM, books and missing links by Xiao Yingtai</description>
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	<item>
		<title>Kink, pain and extreme sensation</title>
		<link>/kink-pain-and-extreme-sensation/</link>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Mon, 20 May 2024 04:00:48 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[What makes us tick?]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Scening]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Since feeling is first]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from down here]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[TMI]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=10742</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[You know there are people who say sadism and masochism are not about pain, they&#8217;re about extreme sensation? After long covid, I&#8217;m pretty sure which side of this debate I&#8217;m on. On days when I have a little more energy, I want to feel my head wrenched back by my hair, I want to struggle &#8230; <a href="/kink-pain-and-extreme-sensation/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Kink, pain and extreme sensation</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
		
		
			</item>
		<item>
		<title>What motivates 24/7 submission?</title>
		<link>/what-motivates-24-7-submission/</link>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sat, 11 Apr 2020 00:00:04 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[What makes us tick?]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The vanilla dialogues]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from down here]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=7643</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[Someone asked on Twitter about what motivates 24/7 subs. The replies went like this: Safety; Freedom from control, responsibility; Order, instruction, framework, accountability; Being useful to someone else, greater purpose; Intimacy. For me? Firstly, this is not a choice. This is something I find myself doing automatically. And when someone else wants it too, it &#8230; <a href="/what-motivates-24-7-submission/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">What motivates 24/7 submission?</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
		
		
			</item>
		<item>
		<title>Communicating While Submissive</title>
		<link>/communicating-while-submissive-in-full/</link>
					<comments>/communicating-while-submissive-in-full/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sat, 20 Jun 2015 11:30:10 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[How to do it]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Communication]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Favourites]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from down here]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=6268</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[Originally written for Submissive Guide. Doms keep telling us that they&#8217;re not mind-readers, so we have to communicate. But it&#8217;s hard! Especially when it&#8217;s something they might not want to hear. The good news is that there is always a submissive way to say it. And you never have to compromise the message. Here is &#8230; <a href="/communicating-while-submissive-in-full/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Communicating While Submissive</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/communicating-while-submissive-in-full/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>4</slash:comments>
		
		
			</item>
		<item>
		<title>Sub Ethics: Owning Our Power</title>
		<link>/sub-ethics-owning-our-power/</link>
					<comments>/sub-ethics-owning-our-power/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Mon, 25 May 2015 08:00:31 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Safety & Ethics]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Clichés]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Ethics]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Favourites]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Submissive power]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from down here]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=6215</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[This is the fifth post in the Submissive Power series. Once upon a time there was a play-fight, and I was pinned. In my total inexperience, I shoved my elbow backwards, and hey presto, there was a long man on the floor. I didn&#8217;t know whether to laugh or to panic. It didn&#8217;t help when &#8230; <a href="/sub-ethics-owning-our-power/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Sub Ethics: Owning Our Power</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/sub-ethics-owning-our-power/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>2</slash:comments>
		
		
			</item>
		<item>
		<title>Submissive Strength: Contradiction or Koan?</title>
		<link>/submissive-strength-contradiction-or-koan/</link>
					<comments>/submissive-strength-contradiction-or-koan/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sat, 07 Feb 2015 05:01:20 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[What makes us tick?]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Favourites]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Submissive power]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from down here]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=5884</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[This is the fourth post in the Submissive Power series. Recently Valery North paid me the gigantic compliment of a critical response to my blog post about submissive strength. I came away wondering if I had contradicted myself. But dammit, I know everything I said was true! And then. I realised. These apparent contradictions, they’re &#8230; <a href="/submissive-strength-contradiction-or-koan/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Submissive Strength: Contradiction or Koan?</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/submissive-strength-contradiction-or-koan/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>8</slash:comments>
		
		
			</item>
		<item>
		<title>Are You Strong Enough to Submit?</title>
		<link>/are-you-strong-enough-to-submit/</link>
					<comments>/are-you-strong-enough-to-submit/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sun, 25 Jan 2015 02:30:32 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[What makes us tick?]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Clichés]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Devil on my back]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Submissive power]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from down here]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=5836</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[This is the third post in the Submissive Power series. I hate clichés. Especially the way they end up being true after you scoff because no one explains why. So it took three teachers to convince me that submission is about strength. Let&#8217;s call them Gypsy, Queenie and Rex. Gypsy did not really believe in &#8230; <a href="/are-you-strong-enough-to-submit/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Are You Strong Enough to Submit?</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/are-you-strong-enough-to-submit/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>1</slash:comments>
		
		
			</item>
		<item>
		<title>Submissive Power Is Hot Stuff</title>
		<link>/submissive-power-is-hot-stuff/</link>
					<comments>/submissive-power-is-hot-stuff/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sat, 17 Jan 2015 05:01:05 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[What makes us tick?]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Abject submission]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Communication]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Favourites]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Since feeling is first]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Submissive power]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from down here]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=5807</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[This is the second post in the Submissive Power series. It is a cliché that the sub has all the &#8220;real&#8221; power. And I really, really hope it&#8217;s not true. Yes, I can stop it any minute and yes, hotel security is a lot more likely to help me than him. (Apologies for non-inclusive language; &#8230; <a href="/submissive-power-is-hot-stuff/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Submissive Power Is Hot Stuff</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/submissive-power-is-hot-stuff/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>15</slash:comments>
		
		
			</item>
		<item>
		<title>My Submissive Icons Are &#8230; Strong?!</title>
		<link>/my-submissive-icons-are-strong/</link>
					<comments>/my-submissive-icons-are-strong/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sat, 10 Jan 2015 13:30:25 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[What makes us tick?]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Buried treasure]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Submissive power]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from down here]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[TMI]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=5675</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[This is the first post in the Submissive Power series. Famed kink educator Midori has a brilliant exercise for identifying your style of feminine dominance. First, she says to list all the powerful women you admire – from fiction, film, history, myth, your family, everywhere, anywhere. She had Brunnhilde, RuPaul and her grandmother, among others. &#8230; <a href="/my-submissive-icons-are-strong/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">My Submissive Icons Are &#8230; Strong?!</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/my-submissive-icons-are-strong/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>1</slash:comments>
		
		
			</item>
		<item>
		<title>Communicating While Submissive: Teaser</title>
		<link>/communicating-while-submissive/</link>
					<comments>/communicating-while-submissive/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sat, 20 Dec 2014 03:14:33 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[How to do it]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Communication]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from down here]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=5088</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[Today I am a guest blogger on Submissive Guide! With an essay that was Written in Blood. Doms keep telling us that they&#8217;re not mind-readers, so we have to communicate. But it&#8217;s hard! Especially when it&#8217;s something they might not want to hear. The good news is that there is always a submissive way to &#8230; <a href="/communicating-while-submissive/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Communicating While Submissive: Teaser</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/communicating-while-submissive/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>2</slash:comments>
		
		
			</item>
		<item>
		<title>Condescension, or Kindness from Above</title>
		<link>/condescension-or-kindness-from-above/</link>
					<comments>/condescension-or-kindness-from-above/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Thu, 20 Nov 2014 04:38:50 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[What makes us tick?]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Abject submission]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Favourites]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Since feeling is first]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from down here]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=5579</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[I remember the day my first dom taught me to beg. My initial attempts were ludicrous. &#8220;Please, sir &#8230;&#8221; Frantic mental efforts, not aided by his casually travelling hands. &#8220;You&#8217;re &#8230; very strong &#8230;&#8221; I remember the moment when his gigantic brain figured out that I didn&#8217;t even know how to do it. He stopped, &#8230; <a href="/condescension-or-kindness-from-above/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Condescension, or Kindness from Above</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/condescension-or-kindness-from-above/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>12</slash:comments>
		
		
			</item>
		<item>
		<title>The Love Letter of O</title>
		<link>/the-love-letter-of-o/</link>
					<comments>/the-love-letter-of-o/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Fri, 17 Oct 2014 07:05:51 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Buried Treasure]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Buried treasure]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Devil on my back]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Fiction for us]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The vanilla dialogues]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from down here]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=5230</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[This month the BDSM Classics Reading Group read The Story of O by Pauline Réage. Faced with the prospect of rereading it yet again, I groaned and went for background reading instead. And wow. Now I want to be Pauline Réage! One day a girl in love said to the man she loved: &#8220;I too &#8230; <a href="/the-love-letter-of-o/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">The Love Letter of O</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/the-love-letter-of-o/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>6</slash:comments>
		
		
			</item>
		<item>
		<title>You Want Reactions? (Part&#160;2)</title>
		<link>/you-want-reactions-part-2/</link>
					<comments>/you-want-reactions-part-2/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sat, 04 Oct 2014 12:00:21 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[How to do it]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Favourites]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Scening]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from down here]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from up there]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=5023</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[Part 1 of this post reported on the second-most common complaint from tops, &#8220;Give me real reactions, dammit!&#8221; On behalf of all of us down here, I protested that we are good boys and girls and we are (mostly) not doing it on purpose. According to a kinky friend who wrangles minds for a living, &#8230; <a href="/you-want-reactions-part-2/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">You Want Reactions? (Part&#160;2)</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/you-want-reactions-part-2/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>8</slash:comments>
		
		
			</item>
		<item>
		<title>You Want Reactions? (Part&#160;1)</title>
		<link>/you-want-reactions-part-1/</link>
					<comments>/you-want-reactions-part-1/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sun, 28 Sep 2014 12:00:03 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[How to do it]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Clichés]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Favourites]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Scening]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from down here]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=5019</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[The number one top complaint is definitely &#8220;I can&#8217;t read your mind!&#8221; But it gets stiff competition from its close cousin: &#8220;Give me real reactions, dammit!&#8221; This I can sympathise with. Scening is all about what&#8217;s going on in the bottom&#8217;s head. Me and my kind naturally have privileged access to this contested territory, but &#8230; <a href="/you-want-reactions-part-1/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">You Want Reactions? (Part&#160;1)</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/you-want-reactions-part-1/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>8</slash:comments>
		
		
			</item>
		<item>
		<title>Protocols. I&#160;Want.</title>
		<link>/protocols-i-want/</link>
					<comments>/protocols-i-want/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sat, 23 Aug 2014 11:40:00 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[What makes us tick?]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Abject submission]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Devil on my back]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Favourites]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The vanilla dialogues]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from down here]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=4714</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[I love protocols. Do you want me to call you sir? Yes sir! (And apologies for the non-inclusive language, ma&#8217;am!) Do you want me on the floor? Prod me till I get the position right, please? Do you want me to heel you, or forget the word &#8216;but&#8217;, or owe every morsel of food to &#8230; <a href="/protocols-i-want/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Protocols. I&#160;Want.</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/protocols-i-want/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>14</slash:comments>
		
		
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		<item>
		<title>Rape Play Is Not Rape: Guest Post by Dr.&#160;Slut</title>
		<link>/rape-play-is-not-rape/</link>
					<comments>/rape-play-is-not-rape/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Dr. Slut]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sat, 09 Aug 2014 03:25:56 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Safety & Ethics]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Devil on my back]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Guest posts]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The ivory tower blushes]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The vanilla dialogues]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from down here]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=4590</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[The inimitable Dr. Slut returns! Today she tells us more about one of her favourite things: not-rape. Trigger warning: rape role-play, sexual trauma, swords. The idea that a guy might beg his tormentor to stop whipping and flogging him even though he was, in some complicated way enjoying it, is so intuitively built into BDSM &#8230; <a href="/rape-play-is-not-rape/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Rape Play Is Not Rape: Guest Post by Dr.&#160;Slut</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/rape-play-is-not-rape/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>6</slash:comments>
		
		
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		<item>
		<title>Pain Is a Battering Bastard &#8230; And&#160;More (Part&#160;2)</title>
		<link>/pain-is-a-battering-bastard-and-more-part-2/</link>
					<comments>/pain-is-a-battering-bastard-and-more-part-2/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Tue, 22 Jul 2014 11:30:32 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Buried Treasure]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Buried treasure]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Favourites]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Poetry]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Scandalising the canon]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from down here]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[TMI]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=4445</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[To recap part 1 of this post: (1) Chronic pain can make even a masochist feel trapped in her body. (2) It&#8217;s just like the way my ex-dom and I felt locked in a miserable relationship. I may even have gotten all of my mixed metaphors into this tweet: I am SO GRATEFUL I&#8217;m finally &#8230; <a href="/pain-is-a-battering-bastard-and-more-part-2/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Pain Is a Battering Bastard &#8230; And&#160;More (Part&#160;2)</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
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			<slash:comments>7</slash:comments>
		
		
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		<item>
		<title>Pain Is a Battering Bastard &#8230; And&#160;More (Part&#160;1)</title>
		<link>/pain-is-a-battering-bastard-and-more-part-1/</link>
					<comments>/pain-is-a-battering-bastard-and-more-part-1/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Thu, 17 Jul 2014 11:05:25 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Buried Treasure]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Buried treasure]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Favourites]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Poetry]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Scandalising the canon]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from down here]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[TMI]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=4431</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[Once upon a time my dom was nursing me through some truly horrific cramps. I was not very lucid. A particularly vicious cramp took me by surprise, and I found myself whimpering our safeword. I will never forget the look on his face. To cheer us both up, he told me that I had a &#8230; <a href="/pain-is-a-battering-bastard-and-more-part-1/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Pain Is a Battering Bastard &#8230; And&#160;More (Part&#160;1)</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/pain-is-a-battering-bastard-and-more-part-1/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>6</slash:comments>
		
		
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		<item>
		<title>Gasp, Shake, Thank You</title>
		<link>/gasp-shake-thank-you/</link>
					<comments>/gasp-shake-thank-you/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sat, 12 Jul 2014 12:25:40 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[I Did It]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Abject submission]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Favourites]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Scening]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Since feeling is first]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from down here]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[TMI]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=4364</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[15 July 2019: This top was later shown to have been abusing his slaves. In hindsight, it was a bad sign that I was safewording repeatedly during this scene. Luckily, I still enjoyed it overall. Original header: This post is about me being hurt and frightened. Intensely. It made me very happy. But if it &#8230; <a href="/gasp-shake-thank-you/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Gasp, Shake, Thank You</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/gasp-shake-thank-you/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>8</slash:comments>
		
		
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		<title>Subs Need Classes Too!</title>
		<link>/subs-need-classes-too/</link>
					<comments>/subs-need-classes-too/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Mon, 07 Jul 2014 04:52:55 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[How to do it]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Favourites]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Rec lists]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Safety]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from down here]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=4252</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[Edit: The Little Guide to Getting Tied Up has answered practically all my prayers below. I don&#8217;t even do rope and I want to memorise it. Hallelujah! Summer is convention season. People keep telling me they can&#8217;t meet up because they&#8217;re going to be at hotels, camps or tea parties. So I&#8217;ve been looking through &#8230; <a href="/subs-need-classes-too/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Subs Need Classes Too!</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/subs-need-classes-too/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>15</slash:comments>
		
		
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		<item>
		<title>Am I Just Selfish? Service vs. Control</title>
		<link>/am-i-just-selfish-service-versus-control/</link>
					<comments>/am-i-just-selfish-service-versus-control/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sun, 29 Jun 2014 04:14:19 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[What makes us tick?]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Devil on my back]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Ethics]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Favourites]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from down here]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[TMI]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=4066</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[When I first found out about service subs, I was politely un&#173;compre&#173;hend&#173;ing. No sex, no sensation, no humiliation even, why bother? Surely it would be less trouble to go to a nice restaurant and get served/hired? More authentic, too. Over time my confusion changed into awe and guilt. Probably because I tried to convert a &#8230; <a href="/am-i-just-selfish-service-versus-control/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Am I Just Selfish? Service vs. Control</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/am-i-just-selfish-service-versus-control/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>10</slash:comments>
		
		
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		<item>
		<title>Diabolical Genius, or I&#160;Love Interrogation</title>
		<link>/diabolical-genius/</link>
					<comments>/diabolical-genius/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Mon, 26 May 2014 18:25:17 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[I Did It]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Eek!]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Favourites]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Safety]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Scening]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Since feeling is first]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from down here]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[TMI]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=3478</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[Eric Pride has left the community in the wake of pro-consent movements, stating that we have started tearing each other apart instead of standing by each other. I&#8217;m sad that he is not who I thought he was. This post is part of the Eek! series. Also an e[lust] top three pick! Eric Pride is &#8230; <a href="/diabolical-genius/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Diabolical Genius, or I&#160;Love Interrogation</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/diabolical-genius/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>12</slash:comments>
		
		
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		<title>Abject Submission 3: Only&#160;the&#160;Gift</title>
		<link>/abject-submission-3-only-the-gift/</link>
					<comments>/abject-submission-3-only-the-gift/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sat, 03 May 2014 12:30:40 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[What makes us tick?]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Abject submission]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Devil on my back]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Favourites]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Is it bad for me?]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Since feeling is first]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from down here]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[TMI]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=3006</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[This post is part of the Is It Bad for Me? series. You may wish to begin with Part&#160;1. As you know, a few weeks ago I was frightened by my kink. I already knew I had been eroticising my depression last year &#8211; we emotional masochists are capable of amazing feats &#8211; but now I wondered if I had &#8230; <a href="/abject-submission-3-only-the-gift/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Abject Submission 3: Only&#160;the&#160;Gift</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/abject-submission-3-only-the-gift/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>1</slash:comments>
		
		
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		<title>Dark Erotica Fail</title>
		<link>/abject-submission-2a-dark-erotica-fail/</link>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sat, 26 Apr 2014 12:30:36 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Buried Treasure]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Abject submission]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Buried treasure]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Fiction for us]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Is it bad for me?]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Rec lists]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Since feeling is first]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from down here]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=2237</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[This post is part of the Is It Bad for Me? series. You may wish to begin with Part&#160;1. After reading my last post about stories that do it for me, a friend asked, &#8220;What about Abuse → No rescue → Happy ending? Doesn&#8217;t that storyline exist?&#8221; In a way, yes. And some people love &#8230; <a href="/abject-submission-2a-dark-erotica-fail/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Dark Erotica Fail</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
		
		
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		<title>Abject Submission 2: Lit&#160;Survey</title>
		<link>/abject-submission-2-lit-survey/</link>
					<comments>/abject-submission-2-lit-survey/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sat, 19 Apr 2014 12:30:29 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Buried Treasure]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Abject submission]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Buried treasure]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Favourites]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Fiction for us]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Is it bad for me?]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Rec lists]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Since feeling is first]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from down here]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://abjectsub.wordpress.com/?p=1997</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[This post is part of the Is It Bad for Me? series. You may wish to begin with Part&#160;1. As you know, I have started to worry whether my kink of abject submission is really about self-injury. Fiction proved to be such a good window into my fears that I decided to look harder at &#8230; <a href="/abject-submission-2-lit-survey/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Abject Submission 2: Lit&#160;Survey</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/abject-submission-2-lit-survey/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>8</slash:comments>
		
		
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		<title>Abject Submission 1: Is&#160;it&#160;bad&#160;for&#160;me?</title>
		<link>/is-abject-submission-bad-for-me/</link>
					<comments>/is-abject-submission-bad-for-me/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sat, 12 Apr 2014 12:30:05 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[What makes us tick?]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Abject submission]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Devil on my back]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Favourites]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Is it bad for me?]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Since feeling is first]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from down here]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[TMI]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://abjectsub.wordpress.com/?p=1846</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[This post is Part&#160;1 of the Is It Bad for Me? series. I am shaken. So far, all the the shame and guilt you&#8217;ve seen in this blog should really have been in the past tense. I knew people needed to hear my stories, so I told them, but after sixteen years you do get &#8230; <a href="/is-abject-submission-bad-for-me/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Abject Submission 1: Is&#160;it&#160;bad&#160;for&#160;me?</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/is-abject-submission-bad-for-me/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>8</slash:comments>
		
		
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		<item>
		<title>Let&#8217;s Talk About Masochism</title>
		<link>/self-esteem-for-bottoms/</link>
					<comments>/self-esteem-for-bottoms/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sat, 22 Mar 2014 12:00:41 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[What makes us tick?]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Devil on my back]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Favourites]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Since feeling is first]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The vanilla dialogues]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from down here]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://abjectsub.wordpress.com/?p=1297</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[As you may remember, I have no shame about being female and therefore in a position of weakness. Nor do I feel particularly bad about being submissive and therefore wanting some such predicaments. But my masochism? Let&#8217;s not talk about it. No. Let&#8217;s talk about it. Masochism has a bad name. To the observer &#8211; &#8230; <a href="/self-esteem-for-bottoms/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Let&#8217;s Talk About Masochism</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/self-esteem-for-bottoms/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>4</slash:comments>
		
		
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		<item>
		<title>The Submissive Ache: Wanting and Waiting</title>
		<link>/the-submissive-ache/</link>
					<comments>/the-submissive-ache/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sat, 15 Mar 2014 17:57:33 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Buried Treasure]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Buried treasure]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Fiction for us]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Since feeling is first]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from down here]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://abjectsub.wordpress.com/?p=673</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[There&#8217;s an ache in your chest that hits sometimes when you&#8217;re a sub without a dom. I mean a real, physical ache. You want to grovel, you want to be cared for, you want to be done to. It hurts like hell. This has been heartbreakingly documented by Unspeakable Axe, who truly deserves his happy &#8230; <a href="/the-submissive-ache/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">The Submissive Ache: Wanting and Waiting</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/the-submissive-ache/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>3</slash:comments>
		
		
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		<title>I&#8217;m Assertive Because I&#8217;m Weak &#8211;&#160;And Unashamed</title>
		<link>/i-am-assertive-because-i-am-weak/</link>
					<comments>/i-am-assertive-because-i-am-weak/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sun, 09 Mar 2014 01:00:01 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Safety & Ethics]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Dating & mingling]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Devil on my back]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Favourites]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Gender]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Safety]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from down here]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://abjectsub.wordpress.com/?p=580</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[I have read that American women feel obliged to seem cheerful and friendly to strangers, even when they&#8217;re actually grumpy or scared. Not being American, this was difficult for me to believe until a domme friend told me about something terrifying that happened to her, just walking to the train station. Maybe you&#8217;ll think it &#8230; <a href="/i-am-assertive-because-i-am-weak/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">I&#8217;m Assertive Because I&#8217;m Weak &#8211;&#160;And Unashamed</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/i-am-assertive-because-i-am-weak/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>6</slash:comments>
		
		
			</item>
		<item>
		<title>Review: CollarMe.com and My&#160;Off&#160;Switch</title>
		<link>/collarme-and-my-off-switch/</link>
					<comments>/collarme-and-my-off-switch/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Tue, 04 Mar 2014 14:00:19 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[I Did It]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Dating & mingling]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Devil on my back]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Favourites]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Gender]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from down here]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[TMI]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://abjectsub.wordpress.com/?p=505</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[Review of website: CollarSpace.com CollarMe.com (kinky personals). The morning after I signed up at CollarMe.com, I happened to start daydreaming about one of my favourite books, and a bolt of arousal shot through me. Normally this would not have been such a surprise, but I had believed I was dead between the legs due to &#8230; <a href="/collarme-and-my-off-switch/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Review: CollarMe.com and My&#160;Off&#160;Switch</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/collarme-and-my-off-switch/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>10</slash:comments>
		
		
			</item>
		<item>
		<title>Frost Nails Masochism</title>
		<link>/frost-nails-masochism/</link>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Tue, 18 Feb 2014 14:29:34 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Buried Treasure]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Buried treasure]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Poetry]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Scandalising the canon]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from down here]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://abjectsub.wordpress.com/?p=93</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[Poor Robert Frost would be turning over in his grave. He probably wasn&#8217;t writing about masochism. And yet he said it for us. How the good stuff makes you feel real and alive and more. To Earthward Love at the lips was touch As sweet as I could bear; And once that seemed too much; &#8230; <a href="/frost-nails-masochism/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Frost Nails Masochism</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
		
		
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