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	<title>Since feeling is first &#8211; The University of Abject Submission</title>
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	<link>/</link>
	<description>BDSM, books and missing links by Xiao Yingtai</description>
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	<item>
		<title>Kink, pain and extreme sensation</title>
		<link>/kink-pain-and-extreme-sensation/</link>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Mon, 20 May 2024 04:00:48 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[What makes us tick?]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Scening]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Since feeling is first]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from down here]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[TMI]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=10742</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[You know there are people who say sadism and masochism are not about pain, they&#8217;re about extreme sensation? After long covid, I&#8217;m pretty sure which side of this debate I&#8217;m on. On days when I have a little more energy, I want to feel my head wrenched back by my hair, I want to struggle &#8230; <a href="/kink-pain-and-extreme-sensation/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Kink, pain and extreme sensation</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
		
		
			</item>
		<item>
		<title>My Emotional Masochism Isn&#8217;t Therapy</title>
		<link>/emotional-masochism-is-not-therapy/</link>
					<comments>/emotional-masochism-is-not-therapy/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sat, 21 Mar 2015 13:31:45 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[What makes us tick?]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Clichés]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Devil on my back]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Scening]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Since feeling is first]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The vanilla dialogues]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from up there]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[TMI]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=6036</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[Last week, guest blogger Cava Supernova asked, provocatively, &#8220;Is racism sexy?&#8221; She told us the story of an early kink encounter in which an awesome black man begged her to call him her nigger and her sex slave boy. This out-of-the-blue request floored poor Cava and she asked us to help her figure it out. &#8230; <a href="/emotional-masochism-is-not-therapy/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">My Emotional Masochism Isn&#8217;t Therapy</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/emotional-masochism-is-not-therapy/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>9</slash:comments>
		
		
			</item>
		<item>
		<title>Guest Post: Is Racism Sexy?</title>
		<link>/guest-post-is-racism-sexy/</link>
					<comments>/guest-post-is-racism-sexy/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Cava Supernova]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sat, 14 Mar 2015 12:58:32 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[What makes us tick?]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Since feeling is first]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=6022</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[Today my guest blogger is the outrageous and huggable Cava Supernova! She&#8217;s here to tell us about her younger self being being Dropped in the Deep End. “Call me your n****r. Go on, it gets me going. I want you to call me your n****r.” “Oh my god, no. I could never do that.” “It’s &#8230; <a href="/guest-post-is-racism-sexy/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Guest Post: Is Racism Sexy?</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/guest-post-is-racism-sexy/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>6</slash:comments>
		
		
			</item>
		<item>
		<title>Submissive Power Is Hot Stuff</title>
		<link>/submissive-power-is-hot-stuff/</link>
					<comments>/submissive-power-is-hot-stuff/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sat, 17 Jan 2015 05:01:05 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[What makes us tick?]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Abject submission]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Communication]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Favourites]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Since feeling is first]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Submissive power]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from down here]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=5807</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[This is the second post in the Submissive Power series. It is a cliché that the sub has all the &#8220;real&#8221; power. And I really, really hope it&#8217;s not true. Yes, I can stop it any minute and yes, hotel security is a lot more likely to help me than him. (Apologies for non-inclusive language; &#8230; <a href="/submissive-power-is-hot-stuff/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Submissive Power Is Hot Stuff</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/submissive-power-is-hot-stuff/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>15</slash:comments>
		
		
			</item>
		<item>
		<title>Condescension, or Kindness from Above</title>
		<link>/condescension-or-kindness-from-above/</link>
					<comments>/condescension-or-kindness-from-above/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Thu, 20 Nov 2014 04:38:50 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[What makes us tick?]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Abject submission]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Favourites]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Since feeling is first]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from down here]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=5579</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[I remember the day my first dom taught me to beg. My initial attempts were ludicrous. &#8220;Please, sir &#8230;&#8221; Frantic mental efforts, not aided by his casually travelling hands. &#8220;You&#8217;re &#8230; very strong &#8230;&#8221; I remember the moment when his gigantic brain figured out that I didn&#8217;t even know how to do it. He stopped, &#8230; <a href="/condescension-or-kindness-from-above/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Condescension, or Kindness from Above</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/condescension-or-kindness-from-above/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>12</slash:comments>
		
		
			</item>
		<item>
		<title>Gasp, Shake, Thank You</title>
		<link>/gasp-shake-thank-you/</link>
					<comments>/gasp-shake-thank-you/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sat, 12 Jul 2014 12:25:40 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[I Did It]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Abject submission]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Favourites]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Scening]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Since feeling is first]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from down here]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[TMI]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=4364</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[15 July 2019: This top was later shown to have been abusing his slaves. In hindsight, it was a bad sign that I was safewording repeatedly during this scene. Luckily, I still enjoyed it overall. Original header: This post is about me being hurt and frightened. Intensely. It made me very happy. But if it &#8230; <a href="/gasp-shake-thank-you/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Gasp, Shake, Thank You</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/gasp-shake-thank-you/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>8</slash:comments>
		
		
			</item>
		<item>
		<title>Diabolical Genius, or I&#160;Love Interrogation</title>
		<link>/diabolical-genius/</link>
					<comments>/diabolical-genius/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Mon, 26 May 2014 18:25:17 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[I Did It]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Eek!]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Favourites]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Safety]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Scening]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Since feeling is first]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from down here]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[TMI]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=3478</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[Eric Pride has left the community in the wake of pro-consent movements, stating that we have started tearing each other apart instead of standing by each other. I&#8217;m sad that he is not who I thought he was. This post is part of the Eek! series. Also an e[lust] top three pick! Eric Pride is &#8230; <a href="/diabolical-genius/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Diabolical Genius, or I&#160;Love Interrogation</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/diabolical-genius/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>12</slash:comments>
		
		
			</item>
		<item>
		<title>Abject Submission 3: Only&#160;the&#160;Gift</title>
		<link>/abject-submission-3-only-the-gift/</link>
					<comments>/abject-submission-3-only-the-gift/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sat, 03 May 2014 12:30:40 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[What makes us tick?]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Abject submission]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Devil on my back]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Favourites]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Is it bad for me?]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Since feeling is first]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from down here]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[TMI]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=3006</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[This post is part of the Is It Bad for Me? series. You may wish to begin with Part&#160;1. As you know, a few weeks ago I was frightened by my kink. I already knew I had been eroticising my depression last year &#8211; we emotional masochists are capable of amazing feats &#8211; but now I wondered if I had &#8230; <a href="/abject-submission-3-only-the-gift/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Abject Submission 3: Only&#160;the&#160;Gift</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/abject-submission-3-only-the-gift/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>1</slash:comments>
		
		
			</item>
		<item>
		<title>Dark Erotica Fail</title>
		<link>/abject-submission-2a-dark-erotica-fail/</link>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sat, 26 Apr 2014 12:30:36 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Buried Treasure]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Abject submission]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Buried treasure]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Fiction for us]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Is it bad for me?]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Rec lists]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Since feeling is first]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from down here]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=2237</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[This post is part of the Is It Bad for Me? series. You may wish to begin with Part&#160;1. After reading my last post about stories that do it for me, a friend asked, &#8220;What about Abuse → No rescue → Happy ending? Doesn&#8217;t that storyline exist?&#8221; In a way, yes. And some people love &#8230; <a href="/abject-submission-2a-dark-erotica-fail/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Dark Erotica Fail</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
		
		
			</item>
		<item>
		<title>Abject Submission 2: Lit&#160;Survey</title>
		<link>/abject-submission-2-lit-survey/</link>
					<comments>/abject-submission-2-lit-survey/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sat, 19 Apr 2014 12:30:29 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Buried Treasure]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Abject submission]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Buried treasure]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Favourites]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Fiction for us]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Is it bad for me?]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Rec lists]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Since feeling is first]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from down here]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://abjectsub.wordpress.com/?p=1997</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[This post is part of the Is It Bad for Me? series. You may wish to begin with Part&#160;1. As you know, I have started to worry whether my kink of abject submission is really about self-injury. Fiction proved to be such a good window into my fears that I decided to look harder at &#8230; <a href="/abject-submission-2-lit-survey/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Abject Submission 2: Lit&#160;Survey</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/abject-submission-2-lit-survey/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>8</slash:comments>
		
		
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		<item>
		<title>Abject Submission 1: Is&#160;it&#160;bad&#160;for&#160;me?</title>
		<link>/is-abject-submission-bad-for-me/</link>
					<comments>/is-abject-submission-bad-for-me/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sat, 12 Apr 2014 12:30:05 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[What makes us tick?]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Abject submission]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Devil on my back]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Favourites]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Is it bad for me?]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Since feeling is first]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from down here]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[TMI]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://abjectsub.wordpress.com/?p=1846</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[This post is Part&#160;1 of the Is It Bad for Me? series. I am shaken. So far, all the the shame and guilt you&#8217;ve seen in this blog should really have been in the past tense. I knew people needed to hear my stories, so I told them, but after sixteen years you do get &#8230; <a href="/is-abject-submission-bad-for-me/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Abject Submission 1: Is&#160;it&#160;bad&#160;for&#160;me?</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/is-abject-submission-bad-for-me/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>8</slash:comments>
		
		
			</item>
		<item>
		<title>Let&#8217;s Talk About Masochism</title>
		<link>/self-esteem-for-bottoms/</link>
					<comments>/self-esteem-for-bottoms/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sat, 22 Mar 2014 12:00:41 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[What makes us tick?]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Devil on my back]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Favourites]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Since feeling is first]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The vanilla dialogues]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from down here]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://abjectsub.wordpress.com/?p=1297</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[As you may remember, I have no shame about being female and therefore in a position of weakness. Nor do I feel particularly bad about being submissive and therefore wanting some such predicaments. But my masochism? Let&#8217;s not talk about it. No. Let&#8217;s talk about it. Masochism has a bad name. To the observer &#8211; &#8230; <a href="/self-esteem-for-bottoms/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Let&#8217;s Talk About Masochism</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/self-esteem-for-bottoms/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>4</slash:comments>
		
		
			</item>
		<item>
		<title>The Submissive Ache: Wanting and Waiting</title>
		<link>/the-submissive-ache/</link>
					<comments>/the-submissive-ache/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sat, 15 Mar 2014 17:57:33 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Buried Treasure]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Buried treasure]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Fiction for us]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Since feeling is first]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from down here]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://abjectsub.wordpress.com/?p=673</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[There&#8217;s an ache in your chest that hits sometimes when you&#8217;re a sub without a dom. I mean a real, physical ache. You want to grovel, you want to be cared for, you want to be done to. It hurts like hell. This has been heartbreakingly documented by Unspeakable Axe, who truly deserves his happy &#8230; <a href="/the-submissive-ache/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">The Submissive Ache: Wanting and Waiting</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/the-submissive-ache/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>3</slash:comments>
		
		
			</item>
		<item>
		<title>Review: &#8220;Anatomy of a Play Scene&#8221; by Eric Pride</title>
		<link>/anatomy-of-a-play-scene/</link>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sun, 23 Feb 2014 12:09:40 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[How to do it]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Scening]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Since feeling is first]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from up there]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://abjectsub.wordpress.com/?p=361</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[Eric Pride has left the community in the wake of pro-consent movements, stating that we have started tearing each other apart instead of standing by each other. I&#8217;m sad that he is not who I thought he was. Review of presentation: &#8220;Anatomy of a Play Scene&#8221; by Eric Pride (DomSubFriends at Paddles NYC, 21 Feb &#8230; <a href="/anatomy-of-a-play-scene/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Review: &#8220;Anatomy of a Play Scene&#8221; by Eric Pride</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
		
		
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		<item>
		<title>The Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Sadists</title>
		<link>/the-society-for-the-prevention-of-cruelty-to-sadists/</link>
					<comments>/the-society-for-the-prevention-of-cruelty-to-sadists/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Mon, 17 Feb 2014 02:27:45 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[What makes us tick?]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Devil on my back]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Ethics]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Favourites]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Since feeling is first]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from up there]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://abjectsub.wordpress.com/?p=14</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[One of my close friends is a sadist. Some of her favourite stories fall squarely into my definition of horror. She is also terminally warm-hearted. She can&#8217;t finish reading some of my favourite stories because the ethical problems upset her so much. And she used to worry whether she was evil. This post is for &#8230; <a href="/the-society-for-the-prevention-of-cruelty-to-sadists/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">The Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Sadists</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/the-society-for-the-prevention-of-cruelty-to-sadists/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>14</slash:comments>
		
		
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