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	<title>BDSM &#8211; The University of Abject Submission</title>
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	<link>/</link>
	<description>BDSM, books and missing links by Xiao Yingtai</description>
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	<item>
		<title>Kink, pain and extreme sensation</title>
		<link>/kink-pain-and-extreme-sensation/</link>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Mon, 20 May 2024 04:00:48 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[What makes us tick?]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Scening]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Since feeling is first]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from down here]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[TMI]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=10742</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[You know there are people who say sadism and masochism are not about pain, they&#8217;re about extreme sensation? After long covid, I&#8217;m pretty sure which side of this debate I&#8217;m on. On days when I have a little more energy, I want to feel my head wrenched back by my hair, I want to struggle &#8230; <a href="/kink-pain-and-extreme-sensation/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Kink, pain and extreme sensation</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
		
		
			</item>
		<item>
		<title>What motivates 24/7 submission?</title>
		<link>/what-motivates-24-7-submission/</link>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sat, 11 Apr 2020 00:00:04 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[What makes us tick?]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The vanilla dialogues]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from down here]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=7643</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[Someone asked on Twitter about what motivates 24/7 subs. The replies went like this: Safety; Freedom from control, responsibility; Order, instruction, framework, accountability; Being useful to someone else, greater purpose; Intimacy. For me? Firstly, this is not a choice. This is something I find myself doing automatically. And when someone else wants it too, it &#8230; <a href="/what-motivates-24-7-submission/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">What motivates 24/7 submission?</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
		
		
			</item>
		<item>
		<title>Introducing the Abject Kitten, Part 2</title>
		<link>/introducing-the-abject-kitten-part-2/</link>
					<comments>/introducing-the-abject-kitten-part-2/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sat, 10 Oct 2015 15:30:41 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[What makes us tick?]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Abject submission]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Devil on my back]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Favourites]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[TMI]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=6393</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[Last time I told you about my feline identity crisis. I was afraid I wasn&#8217;t a kitten. Actually, it was worse than that. I was afraid I&#8217;d never been a kitten at all. Yes, I had done a lot of meowing and fun dashing around and studious ignoring of so-called rules. But observing myself post-breakup, &#8230; <a href="/introducing-the-abject-kitten-part-2/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Introducing the Abject Kitten, Part 2</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/introducing-the-abject-kitten-part-2/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>2</slash:comments>
		
		
			</item>
		<item>
		<title>Introducing the Abject Kitten, Part 1</title>
		<link>/introducing-the-abject-kitten-part-1/</link>
					<comments>/introducing-the-abject-kitten-part-1/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Fri, 04 Sep 2015 11:56:50 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[What makes us tick?]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Abject submission]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Devil on my back]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Favourites]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[TMI]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=6358</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[One day a kitten said to a kitten owner, &#8220;I wish I had a tail. But unfortunately I think I&#8217;m a Manx kitten.&#8221; Said he, &#8220;You can have a tail!&#8221; &#8220;But I want the kind of tail that the incredibly vain dog has in one of J.K. Rowling&#8217;s favourite books. It&#8217;s like an ostrich plume &#8230; <a href="/introducing-the-abject-kitten-part-1/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Introducing the Abject Kitten, Part 1</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/introducing-the-abject-kitten-part-1/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>2</slash:comments>
		
		
			</item>
		<item>
		<title>Communicating While Submissive</title>
		<link>/communicating-while-submissive-in-full/</link>
					<comments>/communicating-while-submissive-in-full/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sat, 20 Jun 2015 11:30:10 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[How to do it]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Communication]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Favourites]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from down here]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=6268</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[Originally written for Submissive Guide. Doms keep telling us that they&#8217;re not mind-readers, so we have to communicate. But it&#8217;s hard! Especially when it&#8217;s something they might not want to hear. The good news is that there is always a submissive way to say it. And you never have to compromise the message. Here is &#8230; <a href="/communicating-while-submissive-in-full/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Communicating While Submissive</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/communicating-while-submissive-in-full/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>4</slash:comments>
		
		
			</item>
		<item>
		<title>Sub Ethics: Owning Our Power</title>
		<link>/sub-ethics-owning-our-power/</link>
					<comments>/sub-ethics-owning-our-power/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Mon, 25 May 2015 08:00:31 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Safety & Ethics]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Clichés]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Ethics]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Favourites]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Submissive power]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from down here]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=6215</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[This is the fifth post in the Submissive Power series. Once upon a time there was a play-fight, and I was pinned. In my total inexperience, I shoved my elbow backwards, and hey presto, there was a long man on the floor. I didn&#8217;t know whether to laugh or to panic. It didn&#8217;t help when &#8230; <a href="/sub-ethics-owning-our-power/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Sub Ethics: Owning Our Power</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/sub-ethics-owning-our-power/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>2</slash:comments>
		
		
			</item>
		<item>
		<title>Leather Writing Awards 2015</title>
		<link>/leather-book-awards-2015/</link>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sat, 16 May 2015 12:08:57 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Buried Treasure]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Buried treasure]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Fiction for us]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[NLA-I awards]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Rec lists]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=6118</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[This announcement is old (20 April), but I thought you might appreciate a linked version. The 👍 emoji indicates finalists, the 🏆 emoji winners. Enjoy! SEMI-FINALISTS ANNOUNCED FOR 2015 NLA-I WRITING AWARDS (Columbus, OH) — National Leather Association &#8211; International (NLA-I), a leading organization for activists in the pansexual SM/leather/fetish community, announced today the semi-finalists &#8230; <a href="/leather-book-awards-2015/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Leather Writing Awards 2015</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
		
		
			</item>
		<item>
		<title>It&#8217;s a Bad Day for Rope Consent</title>
		<link>/it-is-a-bad-day-for-rope/</link>
					<comments>/it-is-a-bad-day-for-rope/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Fri, 24 Apr 2015 05:03:09 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Safety & Ethics]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Ethics]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Safety]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=6123</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[I&#8217;m troubled by the recent consent violation news in the FetLife rope community. I need to clear a crazy work deadline before I write about it, but I thought I would at least share the reports with you for now. Please note that you will need a FetLife login (it&#8217;s free). And if you want &#8230; <a href="/it-is-a-bad-day-for-rope/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">It&#8217;s a Bad Day for Rope Consent</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/it-is-a-bad-day-for-rope/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>4</slash:comments>
		
		
			</item>
		<item>
		<title>My Emotional Masochism Isn&#8217;t Therapy</title>
		<link>/emotional-masochism-is-not-therapy/</link>
					<comments>/emotional-masochism-is-not-therapy/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sat, 21 Mar 2015 13:31:45 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[What makes us tick?]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Clichés]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Devil on my back]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Scening]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Since feeling is first]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The vanilla dialogues]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from up there]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[TMI]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=6036</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[Last week, guest blogger Cava Supernova asked, provocatively, &#8220;Is racism sexy?&#8221; She told us the story of an early kink encounter in which an awesome black man begged her to call him her nigger and her sex slave boy. This out-of-the-blue request floored poor Cava and she asked us to help her figure it out. &#8230; <a href="/emotional-masochism-is-not-therapy/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">My Emotional Masochism Isn&#8217;t Therapy</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/emotional-masochism-is-not-therapy/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>9</slash:comments>
		
		
			</item>
		<item>
		<title>Guest Post: Is Racism Sexy?</title>
		<link>/guest-post-is-racism-sexy/</link>
					<comments>/guest-post-is-racism-sexy/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Cava Supernova]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sat, 14 Mar 2015 12:58:32 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[What makes us tick?]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Since feeling is first]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=6022</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[Today my guest blogger is the outrageous and huggable Cava Supernova! She&#8217;s here to tell us about her younger self being being Dropped in the Deep End. “Call me your n****r. Go on, it gets me going. I want you to call me your n****r.” “Oh my god, no. I could never do that.” “It’s &#8230; <a href="/guest-post-is-racism-sexy/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Guest Post: Is Racism Sexy?</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/guest-post-is-racism-sexy/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>6</slash:comments>
		
		
			</item>
		<item>
		<title>Please Master by Allen Ginsberg</title>
		<link>/please-master-by-allen-ginsberg/</link>
					<comments>/please-master-by-allen-ginsberg/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sat, 07 Mar 2015 12:34:59 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Buried Treasure]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Buried treasure]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Poetry]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Scandalising the canon]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=5994</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[Warning: Strong language. GRAPHIC language. Squick and squee. I invite you to partake of the riches of beat poetry. Please do NOT open this at work. Now I&#8217;m going to run and hide. Please Master Please master can I touch your cheek please master can I kneel at your feet please master can I loosen &#8230; <a href="/please-master-by-allen-ginsberg/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Please Master by Allen Ginsberg</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/please-master-by-allen-ginsberg/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>1</slash:comments>
		
		
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		<item>
		<title>Marketplace Q&#038;A with Laura Antoniou</title>
		<link>/marketplace-q-and-a-with-laura-antoniou/</link>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sat, 28 Feb 2015 12:26:10 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Buried Treasure]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Buried treasure]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Fiction for us]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Guest posts]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=5962</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[When Laura Antoniou heard that the BDSM Classics Reading Group was discussing her novel The Marketplace, she offered to come over to our FetLife group to answer our questions. WOW. Now that&#8217;s fan service! We are repaying her generosity with the toughest questions we could manage. Thank you so much, Laura! 1. Not all of &#8230; <a href="/marketplace-q-and-a-with-laura-antoniou/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Marketplace Q&#038;A with Laura Antoniou</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
		
		
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		<item>
		<title>Submissive Strength: Contradiction or Koan?</title>
		<link>/submissive-strength-contradiction-or-koan/</link>
					<comments>/submissive-strength-contradiction-or-koan/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sat, 07 Feb 2015 05:01:20 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[What makes us tick?]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Favourites]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Submissive power]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from down here]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=5884</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[This is the fourth post in the Submissive Power series. Recently Valery North paid me the gigantic compliment of a critical response to my blog post about submissive strength. I came away wondering if I had contradicted myself. But dammit, I know everything I said was true! And then. I realised. These apparent contradictions, they’re &#8230; <a href="/submissive-strength-contradiction-or-koan/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Submissive Strength: Contradiction or Koan?</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/submissive-strength-contradiction-or-koan/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>8</slash:comments>
		
		
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		<item>
		<title>Are You Strong Enough to Submit?</title>
		<link>/are-you-strong-enough-to-submit/</link>
					<comments>/are-you-strong-enough-to-submit/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sun, 25 Jan 2015 02:30:32 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[What makes us tick?]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Clichés]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Devil on my back]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Submissive power]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from down here]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=5836</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[This is the third post in the Submissive Power series. I hate clichés. Especially the way they end up being true after you scoff because no one explains why. So it took three teachers to convince me that submission is about strength. Let&#8217;s call them Gypsy, Queenie and Rex. Gypsy did not really believe in &#8230; <a href="/are-you-strong-enough-to-submit/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Are You Strong Enough to Submit?</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/are-you-strong-enough-to-submit/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>1</slash:comments>
		
		
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		<title>Submissive Power Is Hot Stuff</title>
		<link>/submissive-power-is-hot-stuff/</link>
					<comments>/submissive-power-is-hot-stuff/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sat, 17 Jan 2015 05:01:05 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[What makes us tick?]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Abject submission]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Communication]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Favourites]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Since feeling is first]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Submissive power]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from down here]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=5807</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[This is the second post in the Submissive Power series. It is a cliché that the sub has all the &#8220;real&#8221; power. And I really, really hope it&#8217;s not true. Yes, I can stop it any minute and yes, hotel security is a lot more likely to help me than him. (Apologies for non-inclusive language; &#8230; <a href="/submissive-power-is-hot-stuff/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Submissive Power Is Hot Stuff</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
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			<slash:comments>15</slash:comments>
		
		
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		<title>My Submissive Icons Are &#8230; Strong?!</title>
		<link>/my-submissive-icons-are-strong/</link>
					<comments>/my-submissive-icons-are-strong/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sat, 10 Jan 2015 13:30:25 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[What makes us tick?]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Buried treasure]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Submissive power]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from down here]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[TMI]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=5675</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[This is the first post in the Submissive Power series. Famed kink educator Midori has a brilliant exercise for identifying your style of feminine dominance. First, she says to list all the powerful women you admire – from fiction, film, history, myth, your family, everywhere, anywhere. She had Brunnhilde, RuPaul and her grandmother, among others. &#8230; <a href="/my-submissive-icons-are-strong/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">My Submissive Icons Are &#8230; Strong?!</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
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			<slash:comments>1</slash:comments>
		
		
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		<title>2014: Don&#8217;t Lose the Answers</title>
		<link>/2014-dont-lose-the-answers/</link>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Thu, 01 Jan 2015 01:45:34 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Bloggery]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Roundups]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=5724</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[I have a confession. My favourite reading matter is this very blog. But I swear, it’s not just because I am so vain! It’s also because my memory is a sieve. It’s so bad that once when I was asked for a personal motto, I immediately ad-libbed, “Question Everything. Don’t Lose the Answers.” It’s particularly &#8230; <a href="/2014-dont-lose-the-answers/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">2014: Don&#8217;t Lose the Answers</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
		
		
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		<title>Communicating While Submissive: Teaser</title>
		<link>/communicating-while-submissive/</link>
					<comments>/communicating-while-submissive/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sat, 20 Dec 2014 03:14:33 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[How to do it]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Communication]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from down here]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=5088</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[Today I am a guest blogger on Submissive Guide! With an essay that was Written in Blood. Doms keep telling us that they&#8217;re not mind-readers, so we have to communicate. But it&#8217;s hard! Especially when it&#8217;s something they might not want to hear. The good news is that there is always a submissive way to &#8230; <a href="/communicating-while-submissive/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Communicating While Submissive: Teaser</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/communicating-while-submissive/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>2</slash:comments>
		
		
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		<title>Condescension, or Kindness from Above</title>
		<link>/condescension-or-kindness-from-above/</link>
					<comments>/condescension-or-kindness-from-above/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Thu, 20 Nov 2014 04:38:50 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[What makes us tick?]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Abject submission]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Favourites]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Since feeling is first]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from down here]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=5579</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[I remember the day my first dom taught me to beg. My initial attempts were ludicrous. &#8220;Please, sir &#8230;&#8221; Frantic mental efforts, not aided by his casually travelling hands. &#8220;You&#8217;re &#8230; very strong &#8230;&#8221; I remember the moment when his gigantic brain figured out that I didn&#8217;t even know how to do it. He stopped, &#8230; <a href="/condescension-or-kindness-from-above/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Condescension, or Kindness from Above</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
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			<slash:comments>12</slash:comments>
		
		
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		<title>Definitions, Dammit</title>
		<link>/definitions-dammit/</link>
					<comments>/definitions-dammit/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sun, 16 Nov 2014 13:04:20 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[What makes us tick?]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Devil on my back]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Ethics]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The vanilla dialogues]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=5499</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[Argh. I&#8217;ve had it. It&#8217;s time for some definitions. Power = Ability to get what we want from others. Wants: Most obvious ≠ most important. Consent = The outcome of internal politics among our wants. That&#8217;s how dominant bottoms and masochistic doms can exist. Our wants may not line up tidily with the stereotypes, but &#8230; <a href="/definitions-dammit/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Definitions, Dammit</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/definitions-dammit/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>2</slash:comments>
		
		
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		<title>Jian Ghomeshi: Scum of the Earth</title>
		<link>/jian-ghomeshi-scum-of-the-earth/</link>
					<comments>/jian-ghomeshi-scum-of-the-earth/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Wed, 29 Oct 2014 07:56:05 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Reality Check]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Ethics]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Safety]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from up there]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=5321</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[Jian Ghomeshi. The name makes me so angry. You say to your colleague, &#8220;I want to hate-fuck you,&#8221; and then you claim you&#8217;ve been fired for Safe Sane Consensual? You&#8217;re a professional communicator and somehow your partners keep walking into your home unaware that you&#8217;re going to whack their heads and choke them unconscious? You &#8230; <a href="/jian-ghomeshi-scum-of-the-earth/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Jian Ghomeshi: Scum of the Earth</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/jian-ghomeshi-scum-of-the-earth/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>9</slash:comments>
		
		
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		<title>The Love Letter of O</title>
		<link>/the-love-letter-of-o/</link>
					<comments>/the-love-letter-of-o/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Fri, 17 Oct 2014 07:05:51 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Buried Treasure]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Buried treasure]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Devil on my back]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Fiction for us]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The vanilla dialogues]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from down here]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=5230</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[This month the BDSM Classics Reading Group read The Story of O by Pauline Réage. Faced with the prospect of rereading it yet again, I groaned and went for background reading instead. And wow. Now I want to be Pauline Réage! One day a girl in love said to the man she loved: &#8220;I too &#8230; <a href="/the-love-letter-of-o/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">The Love Letter of O</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/the-love-letter-of-o/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>6</slash:comments>
		
		
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		<title>You Want Reactions? (Part&#160;2)</title>
		<link>/you-want-reactions-part-2/</link>
					<comments>/you-want-reactions-part-2/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sat, 04 Oct 2014 12:00:21 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[How to do it]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Favourites]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Scening]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from down here]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from up there]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=5023</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[Part 1 of this post reported on the second-most common complaint from tops, &#8220;Give me real reactions, dammit!&#8221; On behalf of all of us down here, I protested that we are good boys and girls and we are (mostly) not doing it on purpose. According to a kinky friend who wrangles minds for a living, &#8230; <a href="/you-want-reactions-part-2/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">You Want Reactions? (Part&#160;2)</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/you-want-reactions-part-2/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>8</slash:comments>
		
		
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		<item>
		<title>You Want Reactions? (Part&#160;1)</title>
		<link>/you-want-reactions-part-1/</link>
					<comments>/you-want-reactions-part-1/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sun, 28 Sep 2014 12:00:03 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[How to do it]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Clichés]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Favourites]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Scening]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from down here]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=5019</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[The number one top complaint is definitely &#8220;I can&#8217;t read your mind!&#8221; But it gets stiff competition from its close cousin: &#8220;Give me real reactions, dammit!&#8221; This I can sympathise with. Scening is all about what&#8217;s going on in the bottom&#8217;s head. Me and my kind naturally have privileged access to this contested territory, but &#8230; <a href="/you-want-reactions-part-1/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">You Want Reactions? (Part&#160;1)</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/you-want-reactions-part-1/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>8</slash:comments>
		
		
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		<title>Protocols. I&#160;Want.</title>
		<link>/protocols-i-want/</link>
					<comments>/protocols-i-want/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sat, 23 Aug 2014 11:40:00 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[What makes us tick?]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Abject submission]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Devil on my back]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Favourites]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The vanilla dialogues]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from down here]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=4714</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[I love protocols. Do you want me to call you sir? Yes sir! (And apologies for the non-inclusive language, ma&#8217;am!) Do you want me on the floor? Prod me till I get the position right, please? Do you want me to heel you, or forget the word &#8216;but&#8217;, or owe every morsel of food to &#8230; <a href="/protocols-i-want/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Protocols. I&#160;Want.</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/protocols-i-want/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>14</slash:comments>
		
		
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		<title>The Consent Debate: Then&#160;and&#160;Now</title>
		<link>/the-consent-debate-then-and-now/</link>
					<comments>/the-consent-debate-then-and-now/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Mon, 18 Aug 2014 04:01:19 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Safety & Ethics]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Buried treasure]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Clichés]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Ethics]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Favourites]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Rec lists]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=4645</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[I started a BDSM classics reading group! People actually signed up and everything! Squee! Ahem. For our first meeting on 3rd September, we&#8217;re going to read seminal essays from the Safe Sane Consensual debate. Unsafe at Any Speed, or Safe, Sane, and Consensual, My Fanny by Laura Antoniou (1995) The SSC Mistake by Joseph W. Bean &#8230; <a href="/the-consent-debate-then-and-now/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">The Consent Debate: Then&#160;and&#160;Now</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/the-consent-debate-then-and-now/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>1</slash:comments>
		
		
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		<title>Rape Play Is Not Rape: Guest Post by Dr.&#160;Slut</title>
		<link>/rape-play-is-not-rape/</link>
					<comments>/rape-play-is-not-rape/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Dr. Slut]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sat, 09 Aug 2014 03:25:56 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Safety & Ethics]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Devil on my back]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Guest posts]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The ivory tower blushes]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The vanilla dialogues]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from down here]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=4590</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[The inimitable Dr. Slut returns! Today she tells us more about one of her favourite things: not-rape. Trigger warning: rape role-play, sexual trauma, swords. The idea that a guy might beg his tormentor to stop whipping and flogging him even though he was, in some complicated way enjoying it, is so intuitively built into BDSM &#8230; <a href="/rape-play-is-not-rape/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Rape Play Is Not Rape: Guest Post by Dr.&#160;Slut</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/rape-play-is-not-rape/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>6</slash:comments>
		
		
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		<title>Top Trust: Guest Post by Dr.&#160;Slut</title>
		<link>/top-trust/</link>
					<comments>/top-trust/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Dr. Slut]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Wed, 06 Aug 2014 04:33:06 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Safety & Ethics]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Devil on my back]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Ethics]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Guest posts]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Safety]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Scening]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from up there]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=4544</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[Today&#8217;s guest post is about an ethical top&#8217;s second-worst nightmare. Trigger warning: Rape role-play, pushing boundaries, hardcore knives. We’re so used to talking about bottoms trusting tops. It seems so obvious: if you’re going to let somebody beat you up, stab you with needles, shove a fist up your ass, whip you, dangle you by &#8230; <a href="/top-trust/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Top Trust: Guest Post by Dr.&#160;Slut</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/top-trust/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>4</slash:comments>
		
		
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		<title>When a Dom Drops Hard: Guest Post by Cowhideman</title>
		<link>/when-a-dom-drops-hard/</link>
					<comments>/when-a-dom-drops-hard/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Cowhideman]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Fri, 01 Aug 2014 04:05:45 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Safety & Ethics]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Devil on my back]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Ethics]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Guest posts]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Safety]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Scening]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from up there]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=4521</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[Today&#8217;s guest blogger is Cowhideman, the patient and prolific leader of FetLife&#8217;s Novices &#38; Newbies group (login required). Crucially for us, he&#8217;s also brave enough to talk about the glory and horror of topspace. Enjoy! In a recent discussion thread, someone mentioned that their relatively novice Dom has suddenly shut down and very nearly stopped &#8230; <a href="/when-a-dom-drops-hard/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">When a Dom Drops Hard: Guest Post by Cowhideman</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/when-a-dom-drops-hard/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>4</slash:comments>
		
		
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		<title>Pain Is a Battering Bastard &#8230; And&#160;More (Part&#160;2)</title>
		<link>/pain-is-a-battering-bastard-and-more-part-2/</link>
					<comments>/pain-is-a-battering-bastard-and-more-part-2/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Tue, 22 Jul 2014 11:30:32 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Buried Treasure]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Buried treasure]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Favourites]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Poetry]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Scandalising the canon]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from down here]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[TMI]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=4445</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[To recap part 1 of this post: (1) Chronic pain can make even a masochist feel trapped in her body. (2) It&#8217;s just like the way my ex-dom and I felt locked in a miserable relationship. I may even have gotten all of my mixed metaphors into this tweet: I am SO GRATEFUL I&#8217;m finally &#8230; <a href="/pain-is-a-battering-bastard-and-more-part-2/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Pain Is a Battering Bastard &#8230; And&#160;More (Part&#160;2)</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
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			<slash:comments>7</slash:comments>
		
		
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