I kind of like those ideas! lunaKM at Submissive Guide hosts twice-a-month chats and I wonder if you would want to work with her? I like her website very much except that I always wish she would go into more depth. You’re good at that. :-) Of course, more options are always a good thing too.

I’m happy to help out as I can, I just don’t have a good sense of what I can add! Practical knowledge is not my forte. That’s why I haven’t gotten more involved with Submissive Guide, that’s their whole focus.

I’ll do some brainstorming on some of these class topics / related topics once I’m done with work today. There are definitely some things I would be more than eager to teach and have the background to do so. I would value your input (if you have the time and energy!) on some of the brainstorming.

The more channels there are to get information out there, the more likely it is that people are going to be able to have a healthy connection with the kinks, their scenes, and their relationships. This leopard’s seen too much shit to not do what I can to help others from getting harmed.

I was kicking around the idea of doing some Youtube videos, a podcast, maybe a monthly virtual conference kind of thing with a few discussion topics / webinars.

Submissive Playground looks like a nice set up. Competition isn’t a bad thing, and I kinda do marketing and development for my vanilla job sooo. This may be a style of thing that happens. I just have to survive my April and early May schedule first. :)

1) I’ve managed to attend a class on pain processing, but that’s all. On the other hand, I’ve managed to find a lot of information about the other topics through other classes and books.

2) That’s AWESOME that you’re willing to do outreach! Hmm. For me books were the thing that were easy to get, a familiar medium of communication, and convinced me that there was a lot more knowhow out there that would be worth paying for. For people who aren’t into reading so much … I think the traditional outreach method in that case would be YouTube? But I’m really speculating because video/chat really really doesn’t work for me.

Your main competitor would be Submissive Playground. It seems to have a wealth of information from great people, but the setup is so very NOT neutral that I think there is room for an alternative.

Thank you! Glad it was not overkill.

Really? I am delighted to be of service to dominants as well. :)

You have hit on a point which I have been puzzling over. I really like to feel that all I have to do in a scene is show up. I would absolutely love to be told, “I will not allow you to fail.” I think this is the norm among control-oriented submissives. And obviously, as you point out, this is at odds with my call for classes for bottoms.

Before I got your comment, I was thinking that maybe a lot of our work is done before the scene – especially sorting out our heads so that we won’t blame the top for what we agree to. That’s why tops don’t just beat their cats, who (unlike furniture) can also demonstrate interesting reactions but can’t give consent.

But looking over the list of classes I have called for, it’s simply not true that we are not working during the scene. It takes a huge amount of physical effort to endure pain, and expressing respect under [cough] adverse conditions certainly demands a lot of mental capacity. So I do want to work hard during a scene, and I want more knowhow about my work. That’s why I want classes.

But what I don’t want is responsibility. In some ultimate sense. I kind of want to be held accountable like a student who hasn’t done the homework, I just want a hell of a lot of micromanagement and creative [ahem] motivation.

Thanks for making me realise this!

I agree that a big part of the lack of classes for submissives is the idea that all a bottom has to do in a scene is show up, which is just dumb aside from being tremendously insulting to bottoms. I know we doms can be self-centered, but if you don’t think the bottom brings anything to the scene, why not just beat your furniture?

Thank you for sharing that! Shiver.

The list thing is good. Another alternative I’ve heard for beginners is to say what you want to do (not what you don’t want to do). People do at least know what they’ve been fantasising about, whereas (as your story shows) they might have no idea that XYZ is something that might be tried on them. I admit that it takes away some of the scary fun – that’s not how I would want to play forever, but it’s a good beginning.

Imagine my panic when a new partner grabbed my throat early in a scene. We did successfully work things out, but there was probably a better way to learn that lesson.

I now keep a written list of both my hard and soft limits that I share with any potential dom.

I am delighted to be of service. :)

I’m glad to be of service. :) And actually, I think subs have some technical knowledge to learn as well! But you are right that relationship skills are more important for us.

It sounds like I really have to bite the bullet and go to one of these conventions one day? So far I’ve just been going to TES classes in New York City. But they really don’t have much to offer subs, and the quality of the classes is kind of uneven. When I know more about leather history controversies than the titleholder presenter, something is very wrong.

Any idea how I can convince them to offer more sub classes and make it more financially worthwhile? :)

Adding that I’ve been to SELF a few times, as both dom and sub in different years, and you’re quite right: The focus on relationship skills is quite nice. The late Together In Leather (convened in Charlotte for 3 years, back in the oughts) did only relationship topics, no play technique.