Comments on: Real Doesn’t Have to Be Toxic /real-doesnt-have-to-be-toxic/ BDSM, books and missing links by Xiao Yingtai Thu, 29 May 2014 14:56:32 +0000 hourly 1 By: Kink’s transgressions: breaking the rules | Valery North - Writer /real-doesnt-have-to-be-toxic/#comment-180 Thu, 29 May 2014 14:56:32 +0000 /?p=3482#comment-180 […] last night, I wrote about why my kink is not about transgression, taking Yingtai’s side rather than Remittance Girl’s “it’s all to do with transgression, or pretending […]

]]> By: Neither bad nor pretending to be: kinky ≠ perverted | Valery North - Writer /real-doesnt-have-to-be-toxic/#comment-178 Thu, 29 May 2014 01:35:25 +0000 /?p=3482#comment-178 […] Yingtai responds to Remittance Girl’s assertion that, “Real perverts believe with deep sincerity in the rules they break. They have faith that what they are doing is wrong.” with the answer that, “Real Doesn’t Have to Be Toxic“. […]

]]> By: Xiao Yingtai /real-doesnt-have-to-be-toxic/#comment-176 Wed, 28 May 2014 18:18:20 +0000 /?p=3482#comment-176 In reply to JT.

It is very strange to me too. But she says she is at peace with it. I’m starting to think the less I say the better.

]]> By: JT /real-doesnt-have-to-be-toxic/#comment-175 Wed, 28 May 2014 14:25:53 +0000 /?p=3482#comment-175 In reply to Xiao Yingtai.

Yes, it does seem heartrending, doesn’t it? I can’t imagine being unable to be at peace with my ability to experience pleasure, or always believing that there is a core of evil in my own happiness. Unless I am totally misunderstanding what Remittance Girl is saying?

]]> By: Xiao Yingtai /real-doesnt-have-to-be-toxic/#comment-173 Wed, 28 May 2014 13:51:41 +0000 /?p=3482#comment-173 In reply to JT.

Thank you so much, JT. You put it much more concisely and clearly than I could. And I really need a friendly voice right now so it’s very welcome. I wouldn’t say Remittance Girl’s point of view is myopic, but it is heartrending if that’s what she really believes. And after our Twitter conversation I am pretty convinced.

]]> By: JT /real-doesnt-have-to-be-toxic/#comment-171 Wed, 28 May 2014 13:31:52 +0000 /?p=3482#comment-171 Very well said, Yingtai. If someone’s “kink” is to feel that they are behaving unethically when engaging in consensual BDSM then I hope that their feelings of transgression bring them pleasure, but it certainly doesn’t mean that the rest of us aren’t “real” just because we don’t share that kink. Remittance Girl’s point of view on this seems very myopic, reminiscent of people who insist that “gay sex isn’t really sex”.

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