Thanks!

Belatedly, thank you for your vote! Someday I’ll get to do that one as well. :)

Purr! I’m glad I’m not alone.

It’s funny how our identity crises were about totally different identities, and yet I hear this huge reverberating gong of recognition inside me when you describe yours. I’m so glad you figured it out.

Yingtai, I’m the same way. The authority/power relationship is always in place, and that’s how we want and need it. That does not exclude communication about uncomfortable topics or even complaints, but always still respectful and even deferential

Survival is good. But I hope your path brings you all the way to fulfillment in the end. If it doesn’t, there are always other paths. It’s never too late!

Thank you for reminding readers of this possibility. Setting aside time to check in with each other in a power-neutral way is often recommended, so I’m guessing it works really well for a lot of people. I must be the odd one out. :) If I feel like Person X has authority over me, then it is always hard to tell them things they might not like to hear, but I literally don’t know how to do it in a power-neutral way. I can prostrate myself or brat, but polite vanilla doesn’t seem to be an option that’s available to me in those relationships. But definitely everyone should do whatever works best for them!

This article is why I don’t consider myself a masochist.

There are many reasons to want someone to hurt you and I have come up with several reasons to want to be hurt. Therapy is one motivation that could lead someone wanting pain even if they don’t get pleasure from pain. Or someone could get an ego boost for being able to endure something even if they don’t enjoy it in and of itself.

I personally love to feel things intensely so something that I hate might be a desirable experience just because it’s intense. Therefore I might enjoy a painful experience not because I like pain but because I like intensity. I might enjoy a painful experience because it’s surreal. Or because it’s unfamiliar.

Another thing is that everyone enjoys mild pain. That’s what I think anyway. People like spicy food because it’s painful (and therefore stimulating) but at the same time most people (myself included) will enjoy any unpleasant stimulation (due to the fact that it’s still a stimulation) up until the point where it’s overwhelming. I think that’s different from masochism but it can motivate people who aren’t masochistic to seek out something painful.

xx Dee

xx Dee

But I figured I’d chip in my two cents on another communication option in a power exchange relationship. :)

It’s unanimous so far! (There was a third vote on Twitter.)

Thanks!

If both of you don’t feel right about it, then I got something wrong. I think I failed to edit out my initial disbelief that anyone could experience kink as therapy. By the time I finished writing I definitely realised that people are just different, and I tried to say so somewhere, but evidently the piece still has a sceptical tone. Apologies! I think it’s fantastic that you guys can do this.