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	<title>Safety &amp; Ethics &#8211; The University of Abject Submission</title>
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	<link>/</link>
	<description>BDSM, books and missing links by Xiao Yingtai</description>
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	<item>
		<title>Sub Ethics: Owning Our Power</title>
		<link>/sub-ethics-owning-our-power/</link>
					<comments>/sub-ethics-owning-our-power/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Mon, 25 May 2015 08:00:31 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Safety & Ethics]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Clichés]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Ethics]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Favourites]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Submissive power]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from down here]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=6215</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[This is the fifth post in the Submissive Power series. Once upon a time there was a play-fight, and I was pinned. In my total inexperience, I shoved my elbow backwards, and hey presto, there was a long man on the floor. I didn&#8217;t know whether to laugh or to panic. It didn&#8217;t help when &#8230; <a href="/sub-ethics-owning-our-power/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Sub Ethics: Owning Our Power</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/sub-ethics-owning-our-power/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>2</slash:comments>
		
		
			</item>
		<item>
		<title>It&#8217;s a Bad Day for Rope Consent</title>
		<link>/it-is-a-bad-day-for-rope/</link>
					<comments>/it-is-a-bad-day-for-rope/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Fri, 24 Apr 2015 05:03:09 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Safety & Ethics]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Ethics]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Safety]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=6123</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[I&#8217;m troubled by the recent consent violation news in the FetLife rope community. I need to clear a crazy work deadline before I write about it, but I thought I would at least share the reports with you for now. Please note that you will need a FetLife login (it&#8217;s free). And if you want &#8230; <a href="/it-is-a-bad-day-for-rope/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">It&#8217;s a Bad Day for Rope Consent</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/it-is-a-bad-day-for-rope/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>4</slash:comments>
		
		
			</item>
		<item>
		<title>How Should We Respond to Sociopaths?</title>
		<link>/how-should-we-respond-to-sociopaths/</link>
					<comments>/how-should-we-respond-to-sociopaths/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sat, 01 Nov 2014 08:50:58 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Reality Check]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Devil on my back]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Ethics]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[TMI]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=5410</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[Dammit. Everything I said in my post on Jian Ghomeshi is true. But anger is not the way. People I respect have told me to try and hear others&#8217; needs and wants instead. But dammit, this one is a sociopath! Ego, charm, obliviousness, contempt &#8211; I&#8217;m not a mental health professional, but I&#8217;ve never seen &#8230; <a href="/how-should-we-respond-to-sociopaths/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">How Should We Respond to Sociopaths?</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/how-should-we-respond-to-sociopaths/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>9</slash:comments>
		
		
			</item>
		<item>
		<title>Jian Ghomeshi: Scum of the Earth</title>
		<link>/jian-ghomeshi-scum-of-the-earth/</link>
					<comments>/jian-ghomeshi-scum-of-the-earth/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Wed, 29 Oct 2014 07:56:05 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Reality Check]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Ethics]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Safety]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from up there]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=5321</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[Jian Ghomeshi. The name makes me so angry. You say to your colleague, &#8220;I want to hate-fuck you,&#8221; and then you claim you&#8217;ve been fired for Safe Sane Consensual? You&#8217;re a professional communicator and somehow your partners keep walking into your home unaware that you&#8217;re going to whack their heads and choke them unconscious? You &#8230; <a href="/jian-ghomeshi-scum-of-the-earth/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Jian Ghomeshi: Scum of the Earth</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/jian-ghomeshi-scum-of-the-earth/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>9</slash:comments>
		
		
			</item>
		<item>
		<title>The Consent Debate: Then&#160;and&#160;Now</title>
		<link>/the-consent-debate-then-and-now/</link>
					<comments>/the-consent-debate-then-and-now/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Mon, 18 Aug 2014 04:01:19 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Safety & Ethics]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Buried treasure]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Clichés]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Ethics]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Favourites]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Rec lists]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=4645</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[I started a BDSM classics reading group! People actually signed up and everything! Squee! Ahem. For our first meeting on 3rd September, we&#8217;re going to read seminal essays from the Safe Sane Consensual debate. Unsafe at Any Speed, or Safe, Sane, and Consensual, My Fanny by Laura Antoniou (1995) The SSC Mistake by Joseph W. Bean &#8230; <a href="/the-consent-debate-then-and-now/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">The Consent Debate: Then&#160;and&#160;Now</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/the-consent-debate-then-and-now/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>1</slash:comments>
		
		
			</item>
		<item>
		<title>Rape Play Is Not Rape: Guest Post by Dr.&#160;Slut</title>
		<link>/rape-play-is-not-rape/</link>
					<comments>/rape-play-is-not-rape/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Dr. Slut]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sat, 09 Aug 2014 03:25:56 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Safety & Ethics]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Devil on my back]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Guest posts]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The ivory tower blushes]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The vanilla dialogues]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from down here]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=4590</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[The inimitable Dr. Slut returns! Today she tells us more about one of her favourite things: not-rape. Trigger warning: rape role-play, sexual trauma, swords. The idea that a guy might beg his tormentor to stop whipping and flogging him even though he was, in some complicated way enjoying it, is so intuitively built into BDSM &#8230; <a href="/rape-play-is-not-rape/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Rape Play Is Not Rape: Guest Post by Dr.&#160;Slut</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/rape-play-is-not-rape/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>6</slash:comments>
		
		
			</item>
		<item>
		<title>Top Trust: Guest Post by Dr.&#160;Slut</title>
		<link>/top-trust/</link>
					<comments>/top-trust/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Dr. Slut]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Wed, 06 Aug 2014 04:33:06 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Safety & Ethics]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Devil on my back]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Ethics]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Guest posts]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Safety]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Scening]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from up there]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=4544</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[Today&#8217;s guest post is about an ethical top&#8217;s second-worst nightmare. Trigger warning: Rape role-play, pushing boundaries, hardcore knives. We’re so used to talking about bottoms trusting tops. It seems so obvious: if you’re going to let somebody beat you up, stab you with needles, shove a fist up your ass, whip you, dangle you by &#8230; <a href="/top-trust/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Top Trust: Guest Post by Dr.&#160;Slut</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/top-trust/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>4</slash:comments>
		
		
			</item>
		<item>
		<title>When a Dom Drops Hard: Guest Post by Cowhideman</title>
		<link>/when-a-dom-drops-hard/</link>
					<comments>/when-a-dom-drops-hard/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Cowhideman]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Fri, 01 Aug 2014 04:05:45 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Safety & Ethics]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Devil on my back]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Ethics]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Guest posts]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Safety]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Scening]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from up there]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=4521</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[Today&#8217;s guest blogger is Cowhideman, the patient and prolific leader of FetLife&#8217;s Novices &#38; Newbies group (login required). Crucially for us, he&#8217;s also brave enough to talk about the glory and horror of topspace. Enjoy! In a recent discussion thread, someone mentioned that their relatively novice Dom has suddenly shut down and very nearly stopped &#8230; <a href="/when-a-dom-drops-hard/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">When a Dom Drops Hard: Guest Post by Cowhideman</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/when-a-dom-drops-hard/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>4</slash:comments>
		
		
			</item>
		<item>
		<title>What Would Eric Pride Do?</title>
		<link>/what-would-eric-pride-do/</link>
					<comments>/what-would-eric-pride-do/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Thu, 19 Jun 2014 04:01:02 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Safety & Ethics]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Eek!]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Ethics]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Scening]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from up there]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[TMI]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=3885</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[Eric Pride has left the community in the wake of pro-consent movements, stating that we have started tearing each other apart instead of standing by each other. I am sad that he is not who I thought he was. This post is part of the Eek! series. As you may recall, I recently volunteered to &#8230; <a href="/what-would-eric-pride-do/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">What Would Eric Pride Do?</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/what-would-eric-pride-do/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>7</slash:comments>
		
		
			</item>
		<item>
		<title>Consent Alone Is Not Enough: Guest&#160;Post by david&#160;stein</title>
		<link>/consent-alone-is-not-enough/</link>
					<comments>/consent-alone-is-not-enough/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[david stein]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sat, 14 Jun 2014 11:30:04 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Safety & Ethics]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Clichés]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Ethics]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Guest posts]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Safety]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=3970</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[I asked david stein if this important essay has been posted anywhere outside FetLife, and he promptly gave me permission to repost it here.I don&#8217;t deserve the honour. This is the man who originated &#8220;Safe, Sane and Consensual&#8221; and much more.But let&#8217;s seize the chance to read the essay here and now, before I manage &#8230; <a href="/consent-alone-is-not-enough/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Consent Alone Is Not Enough: Guest&#160;Post by david&#160;stein</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/consent-alone-is-not-enough/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>1</slash:comments>
		
		
			</item>
		<item>
		<title>First, Do No Harm: Guest&#160;Post&#160;by david&#160;stein</title>
		<link>/david-stein-on-ethics/</link>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[david stein]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sun, 01 Jun 2014 11:30:56 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Safety & Ethics]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Clichés]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Ethics]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Guest posts]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=3750</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[Today&#8217;s guest blogger is david stein, the gay slave who originated the phrase &#8220;Safe, Sane and Consensual&#8221; way back in the 1980s.(Brief recess to retrieve our jaws from the floor.)More recently, he authored the incredibly valuable non-fiction resource Ask the Man Who Owns Him: The real lives of gay Masters and slaves and the embarrassingly hot &#8230; <a href="/david-stein-on-ethics/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">First, Do No Harm: Guest&#160;Post&#160;by david&#160;stein</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
		
		
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		<item>
		<title>Real Doesn&#8217;t Have to Be Toxic</title>
		<link>/real-doesnt-have-to-be-toxic/</link>
					<comments>/real-doesnt-have-to-be-toxic/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Wed, 28 May 2014 12:58:38 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Safety & Ethics]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Devil on my back]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Ethics]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=3482</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[Dear Remittance Girl, I admire you and your writing so much. But. You say there are two tribes of perverts, and fuck decaf. You say that real perverts know there is nothing remotely ethical about getting off on hurting people. You say the rest of us are deluding ourselves when we say we are naughty &#8230; <a href="/real-doesnt-have-to-be-toxic/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Real Doesn&#8217;t Have to Be Toxic</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/real-doesnt-have-to-be-toxic/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>6</slash:comments>
		
		
			</item>
		<item>
		<title>Am I Part of the Problem?</title>
		<link>/am-i-part-of-the-problem/</link>
					<comments>/am-i-part-of-the-problem/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Mon, 26 May 2014 01:00:03 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Reality Check]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Devil on my back]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Ethics]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Gender]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Safety]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from up there]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[TMI]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=3531</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[Two months ago I called for BDSM bloggers to write about vanilla tragedies. Now the blogosphere is churning with horror at the UC Santa Barbara mass shooting by Elliot Rodger. But nobody seems to be answering the first question I asked myself: Am I part of the problem? I&#8217;m a straight submissive woman. I was &#8230; <a href="/am-i-part-of-the-problem/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Am I Part of the Problem?</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/am-i-part-of-the-problem/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>2</slash:comments>
		
		
			</item>
		<item>
		<title>Ariel Castro: The Psychopath in the Mirror?</title>
		<link>/ariel-castro-the-unheeded-call/</link>
					<comments>/ariel-castro-the-unheeded-call/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sat, 29 Mar 2014 12:30:22 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Reality Check]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Devil on my back]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Ethics]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Favourites]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Safety]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The vanilla dialogues]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from up there]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://abjectsub.wordpress.com/?p=1623</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[&#8220;Help me, I&#8217;m Amanda Berry &#8230; I&#8217;ve been kidnapped, and I&#8217;ve been missing for ten years.&#8221; We all remember that 911 call last May. And then those terrible words in the news. Sex slavery. Chains, leashes. Torture. The stuff of our fantasies, now a spotlighted horrorhouse. It was so hard to hear about it. It &#8230; <a href="/ariel-castro-the-unheeded-call/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Ariel Castro: The Psychopath in the Mirror?</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/ariel-castro-the-unheeded-call/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>15</slash:comments>
		
		
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		<item>
		<title>I&#8217;m Assertive Because I&#8217;m Weak &#8211;&#160;And Unashamed</title>
		<link>/i-am-assertive-because-i-am-weak/</link>
					<comments>/i-am-assertive-because-i-am-weak/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sun, 09 Mar 2014 01:00:01 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Safety & Ethics]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Dating & mingling]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Devil on my back]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Favourites]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Gender]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Safety]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from down here]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://abjectsub.wordpress.com/?p=580</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[I have read that American women feel obliged to seem cheerful and friendly to strangers, even when they&#8217;re actually grumpy or scared. Not being American, this was difficult for me to believe until a domme friend told me about something terrifying that happened to her, just walking to the train station. Maybe you&#8217;ll think it &#8230; <a href="/i-am-assertive-because-i-am-weak/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">I&#8217;m Assertive Because I&#8217;m Weak &#8211;&#160;And Unashamed</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/i-am-assertive-because-i-am-weak/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>6</slash:comments>
		
		
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