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	<title>How to do it &#8211; The University of Abject Submission</title>
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	<description>BDSM, books and missing links by Xiao Yingtai</description>
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		<title>Communicating While Submissive</title>
		<link>/communicating-while-submissive-in-full/</link>
					<comments>/communicating-while-submissive-in-full/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sat, 20 Jun 2015 11:30:10 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[How to do it]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Communication]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Favourites]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from down here]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=6268</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[Originally written for Submissive Guide. Doms keep telling us that they&#8217;re not mind-readers, so we have to communicate. But it&#8217;s hard! Especially when it&#8217;s something they might not want to hear. The good news is that there is always a submissive way to say it. And you never have to compromise the message. Here is &#8230; <a href="/communicating-while-submissive-in-full/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Communicating While Submissive</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/communicating-while-submissive-in-full/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>4</slash:comments>
		
		
			</item>
		<item>
		<title>How to Apologise When You&#8217;re Called&#160;Out</title>
		<link>/how-to-apologise-when-you-are-calledout/</link>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sun, 10 May 2015 07:03:01 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[How to do it]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Communication]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Ethics]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=6160</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[Yesterday was a terrible, horrible, no good day &#8211; until 6.20pm. Man on the street: Hello. [He gets a stare compounded of fury and trauma.] Him: Is something wrong? Me: You&#8217;re the second guy on the street who&#8217;s said hello to me today. And it doesn&#8217;t feel good. That was the low point of the &#8230; <a href="/how-to-apologise-when-you-are-calledout/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">How to Apologise When You&#8217;re Called&#160;Out</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
		
		
			</item>
		<item>
		<title>Against Sapiosexual Pride</title>
		<link>/against-sapiosexual-pride/</link>
					<comments>/against-sapiosexual-pride/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sat, 31 Jan 2015 05:01:13 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Soapbox]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Clichés]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Dating & mingling]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[TMI]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=5860</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[When I started out on FetLife, I encountered a lot of Worrying Things. Like the hordes of people declaring themselves to be sapiosexuals. My prejudice against sapiosexuality may surprise you. After all, I threw myself at the smartest guy I ever met. He enjoyed using my mind as much as he did my body. Our &#8230; <a href="/against-sapiosexual-pride/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Against Sapiosexual Pride</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/against-sapiosexual-pride/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>7</slash:comments>
		
		
			</item>
		<item>
		<title>Communicating While Submissive: Teaser</title>
		<link>/communicating-while-submissive/</link>
					<comments>/communicating-while-submissive/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sat, 20 Dec 2014 03:14:33 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[How to do it]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Communication]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from down here]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=5088</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[Today I am a guest blogger on Submissive Guide! With an essay that was Written in Blood. Doms keep telling us that they&#8217;re not mind-readers, so we have to communicate. But it&#8217;s hard! Especially when it&#8217;s something they might not want to hear. The good news is that there is always a submissive way to &#8230; <a href="/communicating-while-submissive/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Communicating While Submissive: Teaser</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/communicating-while-submissive/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>2</slash:comments>
		
		
			</item>
		<item>
		<title>You Want Reactions? (Part&#160;2)</title>
		<link>/you-want-reactions-part-2/</link>
					<comments>/you-want-reactions-part-2/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sat, 04 Oct 2014 12:00:21 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[How to do it]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Favourites]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Scening]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from down here]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from up there]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=5023</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[Part 1 of this post reported on the second-most common complaint from tops, &#8220;Give me real reactions, dammit!&#8221; On behalf of all of us down here, I protested that we are good boys and girls and we are (mostly) not doing it on purpose. According to a kinky friend who wrangles minds for a living, &#8230; <a href="/you-want-reactions-part-2/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">You Want Reactions? (Part&#160;2)</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/you-want-reactions-part-2/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>8</slash:comments>
		
		
			</item>
		<item>
		<title>You Want Reactions? (Part&#160;1)</title>
		<link>/you-want-reactions-part-1/</link>
					<comments>/you-want-reactions-part-1/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sun, 28 Sep 2014 12:00:03 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[How to do it]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Clichés]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Favourites]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Scening]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from down here]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=5019</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[The number one top complaint is definitely &#8220;I can&#8217;t read your mind!&#8221; But it gets stiff competition from its close cousin: &#8220;Give me real reactions, dammit!&#8221; This I can sympathise with. Scening is all about what&#8217;s going on in the bottom&#8217;s head. Me and my kind naturally have privileged access to this contested territory, but &#8230; <a href="/you-want-reactions-part-1/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">You Want Reactions? (Part&#160;1)</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/you-want-reactions-part-1/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>8</slash:comments>
		
		
			</item>
		<item>
		<title>First Contact: A&#160;Sort‑of‑Guest&#160;Post</title>
		<link>/first-contact/</link>
					<comments>/first-contact/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Fri, 29 Aug 2014 02:35:51 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[How to do it]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Dating & mingling]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Guest posts]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from up there]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[TMI]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=4823</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[Irregular updates from now on. Sorry, real life comes first! If you hang out with female kinksters, then you&#8217;ve heard us complain about the messages we get from strange men. They&#8217;re not all awful. But the net badness corrodes the soul. There are very few things that help: Venting with other kinky women. Talking to &#8230; <a href="/first-contact/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">First Contact: A&#160;Sort‑of‑Guest&#160;Post</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/first-contact/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>2</slash:comments>
		
		
			</item>
		<item>
		<title>I Wish I&#8217;d Said That</title>
		<link>/i-wish-i-had-said-that/</link>
					<comments>/i-wish-i-had-said-that/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sun, 27 Jul 2014 04:03:16 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Soapbox]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Can I make you laugh?]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Communication]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Dating & mingling]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Gender]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=4307</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[I usually update every 5 days. But my chronic aches have been bad. I&#8217;m officially out of pre-written posts. Will I manage another one by 1 August? Wish me luck! The French have a word for it: l&#8217;esprit d&#8217;escalier. Literally, staircase wit. The perfect retort that only occurs to you after it&#8217;s too late. But &#8230; <a href="/i-wish-i-had-said-that/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">I Wish I&#8217;d Said That</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/i-wish-i-had-said-that/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>2</slash:comments>
		
		
			</item>
		<item>
		<title>Gasp, Shake, Thank You</title>
		<link>/gasp-shake-thank-you/</link>
					<comments>/gasp-shake-thank-you/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sat, 12 Jul 2014 12:25:40 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[I Did It]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Abject submission]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Favourites]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Scening]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Since feeling is first]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from down here]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[TMI]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=4364</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[15 July 2019: This top was later shown to have been abusing his slaves. In hindsight, it was a bad sign that I was safewording repeatedly during this scene. Luckily, I still enjoyed it overall. Original header: This post is about me being hurt and frightened. Intensely. It made me very happy. But if it &#8230; <a href="/gasp-shake-thank-you/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Gasp, Shake, Thank You</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/gasp-shake-thank-you/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>8</slash:comments>
		
		
			</item>
		<item>
		<title>Subs Need Classes Too!</title>
		<link>/subs-need-classes-too/</link>
					<comments>/subs-need-classes-too/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Mon, 07 Jul 2014 04:52:55 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[How to do it]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Favourites]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Rec lists]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Safety]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from down here]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=4252</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[Edit: The Little Guide to Getting Tied Up has answered practically all my prayers below. I don&#8217;t even do rope and I want to memorise it. Hallelujah! Summer is convention season. People keep telling me they can&#8217;t meet up because they&#8217;re going to be at hotels, camps or tea parties. So I&#8217;ve been looking through &#8230; <a href="/subs-need-classes-too/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Subs Need Classes Too!</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/subs-need-classes-too/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>15</slash:comments>
		
		
			</item>
		<item>
		<title>Diabolical Genius, or I&#160;Love Interrogation</title>
		<link>/diabolical-genius/</link>
					<comments>/diabolical-genius/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Mon, 26 May 2014 18:25:17 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[I Did It]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Eek!]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Favourites]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Safety]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Scening]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Since feeling is first]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from down here]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[TMI]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">/?p=3478</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[Eric Pride has left the community in the wake of pro-consent movements, stating that we have started tearing each other apart instead of standing by each other. I&#8217;m sad that he is not who I thought he was. This post is part of the Eek! series. Also an e[lust] top three pick! Eric Pride is &#8230; <a href="/diabolical-genius/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Diabolical Genius, or I&#160;Love Interrogation</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/diabolical-genius/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>12</slash:comments>
		
		
			</item>
		<item>
		<title>Review: CollarMe.com and My&#160;Off&#160;Switch</title>
		<link>/collarme-and-my-off-switch/</link>
					<comments>/collarme-and-my-off-switch/#comments</comments>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Tue, 04 Mar 2014 14:00:19 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[I Did It]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Dating & mingling]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Devil on my back]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Favourites]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Gender]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from down here]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[TMI]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://abjectsub.wordpress.com/?p=505</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[Review of website: CollarSpace.com CollarMe.com (kinky personals). The morning after I signed up at CollarMe.com, I happened to start daydreaming about one of my favourite books, and a bolt of arousal shot through me. Normally this would not have been such a surprise, but I had believed I was dead between the legs due to &#8230; <a href="/collarme-and-my-off-switch/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Review: CollarMe.com and My&#160;Off&#160;Switch</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
					<wfw:commentRss>/collarme-and-my-off-switch/feed/</wfw:commentRss>
			<slash:comments>10</slash:comments>
		
		
			</item>
		<item>
		<title>Review: &#8220;Anatomy of a Play Scene&#8221; by Eric Pride</title>
		<link>/anatomy-of-a-play-scene/</link>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Xiao Yingtai]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sun, 23 Feb 2014 12:09:40 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[How to do it]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[BDSM]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Scening]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Since feeling is first]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The view from up there]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://abjectsub.wordpress.com/?p=361</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[Eric Pride has left the community in the wake of pro-consent movements, stating that we have started tearing each other apart instead of standing by each other. I&#8217;m sad that he is not who I thought he was. Review of presentation: &#8220;Anatomy of a Play Scene&#8221; by Eric Pride (DomSubFriends at Paddles NYC, 21 Feb &#8230; <a href="/anatomy-of-a-play-scene/" class="more-link">Continue reading <span class="screen-reader-text">Review: &#8220;Anatomy of a Play Scene&#8221; by Eric Pride</span> <span class="meta-nav">&#8594;</span></a>]]></description>
		
		
		
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