Comments on: Ariel Castro: The Psychopath in the Mirror?

By: Xiao Yingtai

Xiao Yingtai — Thu, 07 Aug 2014 08:44:26 +0000

In reply to steve. I know what you mean about scary arousal. But sociopaths do enjoy power, so it is not surprising that as submissives we respond to that. And I agree that being able to talk well about sanity and consensuality is not a good filter for sociopaths. The best advice that I have seen is to observe people's actions and give them time. Sociopaths are known to be poor at self-monitoring and to get bored easily, so there is every reason to hope that they will give themselves away as nasty/inconsistent people. And there is no harm in acting on the false positives and negatives you get with that test - after all, what matters is whether they behave like a sociopath towards you, not a clinical diagnosis.

By: steve

steve — Thu, 07 Aug 2014 07:36:24 +0000

Really interesting post – I have just read “Confessions of a Sociopath” (M.E Thomas) and Gone Girl (Gillian Flynn) -both of which cover female rather than male sociopathy. It slightly bothered me because I did find the Thomas book, when she talks about her potential for cruelty, in some way arousing (I am a sub guy) However, both show the mechanisms by which sociopaths “hide in plain sight” – how they mimic the traits of concern, empathy and sociability – in fact their life is one of studied mimicry when it comes to human emotions. Therefore, this might lead me to be more doubtful when someone goes on to talk of their saneness and consensuality. Perhaps one clue to a person’s non-sociopathy would be the existence of some sense of secure self: namely durable enthusiasms values and beliefs over time, also an absence of vengefulness.

By: Xiao Yingtai

Xiao Yingtai — Sat, 31 May 2014 15:29:56 +0000

In reply to Mirjam Penning. Indeed. Though the part that scares me is that the neighbours weren't totally unaware.

By: Mirjam Penning

Mirjam Penning — Sat, 31 May 2014 13:19:44 +0000

I followed this case as well. From a different point of view, but definitely relevant for a true crime article writer. I could’ve done a piece about this character on my blog. Just to bring awareness and to bring rememberance of what happens around us, without us knowing it.
We could’ve been the ignorant neighbour in the street where this story unfolded. Totally unaware of what happened next door for all those years.

By: ScrewLooseHoney

ScrewLooseHoney — Wed, 28 May 2014 14:24:47 +0000

In reply to Xiao Yingtai. Thanks!

By: Xiao Yingtai

Xiao Yingtai — Wed, 28 May 2014 13:41:56 +0000

In reply to ScrewLooseHoney.

Thank you! I agree, my submission bothers me a lot less than my masochism. And I think the fact that it includes a lot of emotional masochism makes it worse.

But I really look forward to reading what you write about it when the time comes. I know I’ll learn something, because you’ve already made me think with the questions you ask in your posts to date.

By: ScrewLooseHoney

ScrewLooseHoney — Wed, 28 May 2014 06:13:42 +0000

Wow, very interesting, honest post. And I’m also referring to your subsequent “Am I Part of the Problem” post, which linked me to this.

I cannot say that I have been in the headspace you’ve described (as I’m more of a submissive than a masochist), however, I have weird inner turmoil over some of my fantasies as well…Maybe I’ll be able to write as thoughtfully about those sometime as you have here. Most of my blog posts so far are just fluff, but some of these issues really do keep me up at night.

By: Cava Supernova

Cava Supernova — Sun, 20 Apr 2014 18:22:47 +0000

In reply to Yingtai. Thank you so much! All the credit goes to Liam and Noel Gallagher''s Champagne Supernova, so have to namecheck them! x

By: Yingtai

Yingtai — Sun, 20 Apr 2014 18:12:50 +0000

In reply to Cava Supernova. Thank you! By the way, what a great blog name.

By: Cava Supernova

Cava Supernova — Sun, 20 Apr 2014 17:59:03 +0000

Engrossing post. Passionate and eloquent. Essential reading. Thanks so much for sharing this.

By: REVIEW: The Never List, by Koethi Zan | Valery North - Writer

REVIEW: The Never List, by Koethi Zan | Valery North - Writer — Sun, 06 Apr 2014 06:22:39 +0000

[…] So my complaint is that Zan pays lip service to the consensual reality of BDSM, but when it comes to the “show” part of writing, her representation is full of the same old negatives and gender-bias in orientation. While she doesn’t directly equate BDSM with abuse (only by association), the language of alienness and scariness, of otherness, is what rings in my figurative ears when I read these passages. One case not in Zan’s list (presumably, too recent to be relevant to her “long after the initial news stories”) was Ariel Castro’s victims: Amanda Berry, Gina DeJesus and Michelle Knight. To sum up why Zan’s inclusion of BDSM in the way she did is problematic, I can link to a piece by Yingtai @ The University of Abject Submission that does mention that case: […]

By: Yingtai

Yingtai — Mon, 31 Mar 2014 15:52:53 +0000

In reply to JT. Um, actually, I don't see it that way. For me, the key difference is concern for the well-being of the sub. Consent is only a proxy measure. (Edit: Okay, not just a proxy, it also has independent value, but it's not as important.) I came to this conclusion after reading How to Do the Right Kinky Thing and Consent Alone Is Not Enough, both written by david stein, the originator of the tagline Safe, Sane and Consensual. Logically, concern for the well-being of the dom should also be crucial, but it's easier to overlook that.

By: JT

JT — Mon, 31 Mar 2014 12:32:38 +0000

Yes. Consent is the difference between psychopathy and Domination. Thank you for laying this out so elegantly. :)

By: Yingtai

Yingtai — Sun, 30 Mar 2014 15:51:05 +0000

In reply to Nick. Thank you! I'm glad it was simple. It was hard to get it that way. :)

By: Nick

Nick — Sun, 30 Mar 2014 09:51:41 +0000

A simple point, but a vital one – and it’s beautifully, clearly, urgently made. Bravo.