I’m so glad this post was helpful to you! And so bemused that other people’s kinks can be so different from mine.

I’m enjoying your blog. Looking forward to what you write in future.

You won’t believe how happy your comment makes me. I learn so much every time I visit your blog, I never thought I would be able to reciprocate!

It’s amazing how differently our kinks work. I love failure. I think that’s what put me under so quickly when I got interrogated – the questions were so embarrassing that I kept dropping my eyes and having to jerk them back where they were supposed to be. In retrospect I know it was practically an impossible order, but at the time all I could feel was mounting shame at my disobedience. And it was addictive.

I’ll just have to hope and pray that the dom was amused. Because I do have that much in common with service subs – it ruins everything if the dom doesn’t like it. And if the dom is turned on, but I’m not, sometimes it still works for me emotionally, and I can’t describe how wonderful that feels.

I fully grant that emotional masochism is weird. And probably quite separate from control-oriented submission.

Because I’m so service oriented, I thought it was about the service being provided, not about being controlled. The whole training idea just makes so much more sense when I understand that the ‘service’ is kind of the peg the scene hangs on, but not the point of the scene, if that makes sense.

But I want what I want, dammit!

That reminds me of this brilliant comment I read on a blog post about being submissive and dealing with douchebag doms:

Sooo often with the guys who do not understand that the dynamics of being a dom include actually getting your partner off as well.
I like being submissive because it turns me on, not because it turns you on..so do something with that!

I’m dominant because it turns me on, not because it turns submissive men on, why shouldn’t you be the same?

What the hell? Akismet dared to think you were spam? Bad plugin, bad, bad!

Returning to your actual point, you are so right. Although maybe the underlying principle is that I shouldn’t attach moral value to my submissiveness, any more than I should demonise sadists for what they want. Fetishes just are, I need to reserve moral judgments for behaviour.

Got it, thanks. I’m reading the comments on that first post, and I like the lady who says, “avoid the common pitfall of thinking that something you enjoy doing is necessarily less submissive because you enjoy doing it.” I think that can be applied to both Unspeakable Axe’s concerns and your own concerns. Do you agree?

Ack! You have made me realise that I can’t define it myself. It literally seems to be doing for a dom the kind of thing they would normally have to pay for. Usually menial services, but not necessarily.

I think I first heard of service subs through Unspeakable Axe. Surprisingly, he had a rather similar moment of crisis: Service-Oriented, Or Just Desperate? But his most memorable post on the subject is probably Naked Service.

And thanks for alerting me to undefined jargon!

If I understand correctly, then I am soooooooo NOT a service sub. Sounds absolutely boring and awful to me. And, no, I don’t think that makes us selfish, not abnormally so at least. I just love being under the thumb of another person, made vulnerable, exposed, teased… And there are more than enough Doms who can jibe with that, so I think we’re in luck :)