Comments on: Against Sapiosexual Pride

By: Xiao Yingtai

Xiao Yingtai — Wed, 04 Feb 2015 21:03:35 +0000

In reply to jadescastle. I'm sorry for the delay in replying! Your point about multiple intelligences is very well taken. Emotional intelligence is a thing and it's absolutely key in making relationships work. However, I will say that I don't think the problem between my ex and me was "brilliance" or having to hold back. I think it was arrogance about our ability to make it work, and I blame our opinion of our brains for that arrogance.

By: Xiao Yingtai

Xiao Yingtai — Wed, 04 Feb 2015 20:43:33 +0000

In reply to Aloysius Patrick McGillicutty. Ah well, then I am delusional, narcissistic and dangerous, because I happen to believe some orientations are better than others. Sapiosexuality is not one of them. If you can't think of any orientation that's worse than another, then read this. With compassion.

By: Aloysius Patrick McGillicutty

Aloysius Patrick McGillicutty — Wed, 04 Feb 2015 17:51:59 +0000

I concur, but specifically about the “pride” part. Orientation is just orientation — it’s not an achievement per se. Treating sapiosexuality, or any other orientation, as inherently meritorious is delusional, narcissistic and dangerous as the SM clubs I’ve been to where members therein treated SM as such. By fixating on one’s own supposed virtue (pick one), one loses sight of all the glorious ways that others manifest their selves.

Just $0.02

By: jadescastle

jadescastle — Sat, 31 Jan 2015 13:00:24 +0000

I subscribe to the concept of multiple forms of intelligence, which we sadly undervalue in our culture. While i confess that i am highly attracted to people who are so smart, i can smell it, they are sadly very few and far between. So, i strategy is to align myself to people who are incredibly smart *in ways i’m not.* Frankly, brilliance is over-rated in some ways as it seems to coexist with a person who lacks social skills (me) or is not grasping what is obvious to people who are smart in other arenas (Sir Raven). That being said, great sex is often about great chemistry, which sadly dissipates when we learn about the actual person who sends out those pheromones. Not to mention, the truly brilliant waste loads of energy trying to not wield our thoughts like weapons or make anyone “feel stupid.” With the right mix of smarts, some of that energy can be redirected to actually making love (as opposed to hot fucking). Therefore, i think intelligence is far superior to chemistry for all of it’s wonderful ability to reach each other in connections that inspire.

By: Xiao Yingtai

Xiao Yingtai — Sat, 31 Jan 2015 06:34:13 +0000

In reply to ValeryNorth. Ack, WordPress hid most of your comment! So I didn't see your point about sapiosexuality often referring to education, which I wish I'd thought of. Yes, intelligent beats intellectual any day. Unfortunately I am suspicious of my ability to tell them apart.

By: Xiao Yingtai

Xiao Yingtai — Sat, 31 Jan 2015 05:46:29 +0000

In reply to ValeryNorth. You're just agreeing with me because I dared everyone not to, right? :p But seriously I am relieved, I was starting to think I was alone on this one.

By: ValeryNorth

ValeryNorth — Sat, 31 Jan 2015 05:44:29 +0000

I agree with your conclusions, though got there a different way. I like partners who use their brains, but “sapiosexual” tends to be about “educated” rather than “bright”, and I am lucky enough to have friends (and an ex-partner) who taught me the difference, and the value of seeing past the superficial.

Even a self-confessed airhead can be insightful – and educated types can be really dim! As the saying goes, “It’s not what you’ve got; it’s what you do with it that counts”.