Today’s guest post is about an ethical top’s second-worst nightmare. Trigger warning: Rape role-play, pushing boundaries, hardcore knives. We’re so used to talking about bottoms trusting tops. It seems so obvious: if you’re going to let somebody beat you up, stab you with needles, shove a fist up your ass, whip you, dangle you by … Continue reading Top Trust: Guest Post by Dr. Slut
Today’s guest blogger is Cowhideman, the patient and prolific leader of FetLife’s Novices & Newbies group (login required). Crucially for us, he’s also brave enough to talk about the glory and horror of topspace. Enjoy! In a recent discussion thread, someone mentioned that their relatively novice Dom has suddenly shut down and very nearly stopped … Continue reading When a Dom Drops Hard: Guest Post by Cowhideman
When I first found out about service subs, I was politely uncomprehending. No sex, no sensation, no humiliation even, why bother? Surely it would be less trouble to go to a nice restaurant and get served/hired? More authentic, too. Over time my confusion changed into awe and guilt. Probably because I tried to convert a … Continue reading Am I Just Selfish? Service vs. Control
Last week my blog was four months old. And I am stunned to realise that I’ve learnt more about my kink in four months of blogging than in a year of intensive reading before that. Unfortunately, that means that I’ve said things on this blog that I no longer believe. It’s time for me to … Continue reading I Stand Corrected: Four Months of Blogging
Dear Remittance Girl, I admire you and your writing so much. But. You say there are two tribes of perverts, and fuck decaf. You say that real perverts know there is nothing remotely ethical about getting off on hurting people. You say the rest of us are deluding ourselves when we say we are naughty … Continue reading Real Doesn’t Have to Be Toxic
Two months ago I called for BDSM bloggers to write about vanilla tragedies. Now the blogosphere is churning with horror at the UC Santa Barbara mass shooting by Elliot Rodger. But nobody seems to be answering the first question I asked myself: Am I part of the problem? I’m a straight submissive woman. I was … Continue reading Am I Part of the Problem?
This post is part of the Is It Bad for Me? series. You may wish to begin with Part 1. The critical reader may have noticed that I skipped over a pressing question in Abject Submission 3: Only the Gift. As you know, I realised to my surprise that some stories about emotional abuse were actually good for … Continue reading Just Say No?
This post is part of the Is It Bad for Me? series. You may wish to begin with Part 1. As you know, a few weeks ago I was frightened by my kink. I already knew I had been eroticising my depression last year – we emotional masochists are capable of amazing feats – but now I wondered if I had … Continue reading Abject Submission 3: Only the Gift
This post is Part 1 of the Is It Bad for Me? series. I am shaken. So far, all the the shame and guilt you’ve seen in this blog should really have been in the past tense. I knew people needed to hear my stories, so I told them, but after sixteen years you do get … Continue reading Abject Submission 1: Is it bad for me?
“Help me, I’m Amanda Berry … I’ve been kidnapped, and I’ve been missing for ten years.” We all remember that 911 call last May. And then those terrible words in the news. Sex slavery. Chains, leashes. Torture. The stuff of our fantasies, now a spotlighted horrorhouse. It was so hard to hear about it. It … Continue reading Ariel Castro: The Psychopath in the Mirror?
