It’s a Bad Day for Rope Consent


I’m troubled by the recent consent violation news in the FetLife rope community. I need to clear a crazy work deadline before I write about it, but I thought I would at least share the reports with you for now.

Please note that you will need a FetLife login (it’s free). And if you want to make sense of the apparent contradictions, then keep reading into the comments.

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A hand holding out an apple

My Emotional Masochism Isn’t Therapy

A hand holding out an apple

Last week, guest blogger Cava Supernova asked, provocatively, “Is racism sexy?

She told us the story of an early kink encounter in which an awesome black man begged her to call him her nigger and her sex slave boy.

This out-of-the-blue request floored poor Cava and she asked us to help her figure it out.

Um. I’m an emotional masochist. Just like that guy. So I didn’t even understand the question until commenters started chiming in, “Let me introduce you to the mysterious workings of degradation kink!”

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A black-and-white cookie with a bite taken out of it

Guest Post: Is Racism Sexy?

A black-and-white cookie with a bite taken out of it
Today my guest blogger is the outrageous and huggable Cava Supernova! She’s here to tell us about her younger self being being Dropped in the Deep End.

“Call me your n****r. Go on, it gets me going. I want you to call me your n****r.”

“Oh my god, no. I could never do that.”

“It’s fine. Please do it. Call me a ‘fucking n****r’.”

“No. I just can’t. I can’t do that.”

“OK, call me your slave boy, then.”

“Nooooo. It’s horrible.”

“I need you to, honestly. It really turns me on.”

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A key being passed from hand to hand over a bowed head

Marketplace Q&A with Laura Antoniou

A key being passed from hand to hand over a bowed head

When Laura Antoniou heard that the BDSM Classics Reading Group was discussing her novel The Marketplace, she offered to come over to our FetLife group to answer our questions. WOW. Now that’s fan service!

We are repaying her generosity with the toughest questions we could manage. Thank you so much, Laura!

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Many candle flames

elust #67 Makes Me Happy

Many candle flames

Welcome to Elust #67 – The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #68? Start with the rules, come back March 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

For our UK readers, we would like to make a special request that you take a moment and fill out this petition to repeal the new censorship laws.

– This Month’s Top Three Posts –

Yes, Squirting is Real (And it’s not pee.)
These men make me SO angry
Still Kinky After All These Years ← This one makes me happy!

– Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) –

When It Rains
You want me to read what? ← Sex ed bonding with daughter!

– Readers Choice from Sexbytes

*You really should consider adding your popular posts here too*
Due to technical difficulties there is no Readers Choice selection this month.

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

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Red leaves forming a heart

Happy Valenniversary to Me!

Red leaves forming a heart

Happy Valentine’s Day from a happy single!

It’s almost exactly a year since I walked out of my ex’s apartment with my head reeling. Not coincidentally, it’s also just about a year since I started blogging.

There is causality there, but it’s not what you’d expect. I think blogging gave me the strength to say goodbye. It was the very first thing I did when I put my hands on a keyboard again, and it felt like getting my life back.

So many milestones since then. Continue reading

Green leaf in palm of black-and-white hand

Submissive Strength: Contradiction or Koan?

Green leaf in palm of black-and-white hand
This is the fourth post in the Submissive Power series.

Recently Valery North paid me the gigantic compliment of a critical response to my blog post about submissive strength.

I came away wondering if I had contradicted myself. But dammit, I know everything I said was true!

And then. I realised. These apparent contradictions, they’re actually koans! That’s Zen Buddhist for paradoxes which help us to see a Higher Truth.

Ahem. OHM. Continue reading


Warning: This website discusses BDSM, rape, abuse and other disturbing content.

I recommend Scarleteen for honest sex education.

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