Jian Ghomeshi. The name makes me so angry.
You say to your colleague, “I want to hate-fuck you,” and then you claim you’ve been fired for Safe Sane Consensual?
You’re a professional communicator and somehow your partners keep walking into your home unaware that you’re going to whack their heads and choke them unconscious?
Dan Savage said it for me:
I oppose the demonization of consensual kinksters. I despise abusers who cover for their crimes by claiming to be consensual kinksters.
— Dan Savage (@fakedansavage) October 27, 2014
Yes, but with feeling! Jian Ghomeshi. SCUM.
Yesterday my friend wanted to talk about how this faecal orifice stands under Canadian law. “I don’t want ANY reminder of that smug mug in my head,” I growled. But intellectual seduction works on me. He waved this law professor’s comments in front of me invitingly, and so did others, and eventually I pounced.
So I am thrilled to report that this gutter sludge is getting it on multiple counts:
1. Canadian law says consent has to be ongoing. You can change your mind any time. Like when his unfortunate dates were thinking, “Stop, no, I thought rough sex meant rough sex!”
2. Canadian law says there is no meaningful consent to bodily harm. The law professor made it sound like that means you can’t leave marks of any kind. Hmm. Well. If it gets this noisome filth what he deserves, hurray!
My friend wanted to know if the law worries me personally. Well, no, it doesn’t. And not just because I like life at the thin end of the whip. More because I’m an informed optimist. Where I live, public prosecutors apparently have a lot of latitude in deciding which cases to pursue, as well as a staggering backlog of work. They’d rather go after the real bad guys. I suspect this is a universal state of affairs.
But we don’t have to rely on the prosecutors’ good sense. The laws are not so bad either.
1. Ongoing consent essentially means that Mother Canada wants everyone to play with a safeword. I like that idea. Though I don’t even need to do it with a safeword. My doms have all stopped as soon as I said, “Huh, that feels weird.”
I have heard rumours of losers who respond, “Stop is not a safeword!” and laugh and keep going. If someone ever says it to me, that’s my cue to run. (Well, unless they’re playing to my emotional masochism, but even then they probably wouldn’t say it that way.) If you’re not a nice guy and you’re proud of it, you probably don’t try very hard to do the right thing. Next!
Edit: Please see comments below. Doesn’t change my squick, but it’s true that there’s a wide range of kinksters and scenarios.
2. Bodily harm. No marks. A lot of people aren’t going to like the sound of that. For me personally, it’s not a problem. My first dom and I went through maybe ten implements in ten years, and none of them left a mark on me. Since then, I have found out that I also enjoy acquiring bruises that take 2-3 weeks to fade. But honestly, for me there isn’t a big difference. Cake is better with frosting, but either way it’s cake.
Still, I do need to flinch and gasp before wonderful things start happening inside. And I know there are other people who need more. So yes, marks are an issue.
But seriously? I mean, hickeys? And how about martial arts practice? Bodily harm has to leave some room for interpretation, or else.
As it happens, black belts and black hankies pretty much agree on where to draw the line. Bruises: So what? You know they’ll heal. (And if you’re an exception, then you’re an exception.) But that innocent-looking rope making pretty patterns on your wrists? It’s entirely possible to do that wrong, and then you lose your grip and your ability to type – for one week, two weeks, six months, or years, maybe forever.
Now that is doing it wrong. That’s why I’m leery of suffocation and waterboarding and torches and sharp things. Air and water and fire and blood – that’s where you take your chances even when you are trying damn hard to do it right.
And yet people still do that stuff. In the dojo as well as the dungeon. Judo students practice choking until you black out. Jet Li once accidentally sliced his own head open in an wushu competition. They know the risks, and they know they can do it right.
Sometimes people try their best and get it wrong. You don’t want it to happen, but it does happen. So you get the hospital bills. You offer your contrition and support, if wanted.
And you make your walk of shame over to Rope Incident Reports, a BDSM institution which makes my heart burst with pride. We need more forums like that.
But if you got it very, very wrong and the maimed party knows you weren’t trying? If you think it’s a good idea to tell them to lighten up?
That’s when the victims of your fun want to report you. And that’s when I want the Royal Canadian Mounted Police riding through the dungeon.
Go get ’em, Mounties!
P.S. Yes, I think he’s guilty. He hasn’t even tried to deny flirting with concussions. And what kind of chamber pot defends himself by pointing out that he’s interviewed Barbra Streisand?