Category Archives: What makes us tick?

Blonde girl bowing

Protocols. I Want.

Blonde girl bowing

I love protocols. Do you want me to call you sir? Yes sir! (And apologies for the non-inclusive language, ma’am!) Do you want me on the floor? Prod me till I get the position right, please? Do you want me to heel you, or forget the word ‘but’, or owe every morsel of food to […]

Waiter pouring wine

Am I Just Selfish? Service Versus Control

Waiter pouring wine

When I first found out about service subs, I was politely un­compre­hend­ing. No sex, no sensation, no humiliation even, why bother? Surely it would be less trouble to go to a nice restaurant and get served/hired? More authentic, too. Over time my confusion changed into awe and guilt. Probably because I tried to convert a […]

Brain outlined in neon

Humiliation Is the Most Intense Emotion?

Brain outlined in neon

Did you know that Humiliation Studies is a thing? I didn’t! Sadly, these researchers have no interest in helping us to scene better. They’re in it because they consider humiliation to be at the heart of all kinds of social turmoil and global conflict. The underlying assumption, of course, is that humiliation is a particularly intense emotion. And […]

Hands making a heart around baby feet

Abject Submission 3: Only the Gift

Hands making a heart around baby feet

This post is part of the Is It Bad for Me? series. You may wish to begin with Part 1. As you know, a few weeks ago I was frightened by my kink. I already knew I had been eroticising my depression last year – we emotional masochists are capable of amazing feats – but now I wondered if I had […]

Backlit knife behind a curtain

Abject Submission 1: Is it bad for me?

Backlit knife behind a curtain

This post is Part 1 of the Is It Bad for Me? series. I am shaken. So far, all the the shame and guilt you’ve seen in this blog should really have been in the past tense. I knew people needed to hear my stories, so I told them, but after sixteen years you do get […]

Agonised soldier pinned by aluminium baseball bat

Let’s Talk About Masochism

Agonised soldier pinned by aluminium baseball bat

As you may remember, I have no shame about being female and therefore in a position of weakness. Nor do I feel particularly bad about being submissive and therefore wanting some such predicaments. But my masochism? Let’s not talk about it. No. Let’s talk about it. Masochism has a bad name. To the observer – […]

Three heart-shaped chocolates

The Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Sadists

Three heart-shaped chocolates

One of my close friends is a sadist. Some of her favourite stories fall squarely into my definition of horror. She is also terminally warm-hearted. She can’t finish reading some of my favourite stories because the ethical problems upset her so much. And she used to worry whether she was evil. This post is for […]